Mothers with BPD may find it difficult to balance appropriate limit setting with the encouragement of exploration and growth for their children. It may also be that mothers with BPD find it difficult to adjust their parenting strategies to match the developmental needs of their children.
MD. Mothers with borderline personality disorder (BPD) may lack empathy, be controlling, and emotionally unpredictable. Being raised by a mother with BPD can affect many areas of your life. By learning how to assert yourself, set boundaries, and practice self-care, you can heal and move forward.
As a result, they often fear conflict, try to placate their family, and struggle with a core sense of identity. Parents with BPD may oscillate between being overly attached or involved with their children and being hostile or dismissive. Sometimes, they might present as extraordinarily loving and attentive.
People with borderline personality disorder can be very effective and nurturing parents, but because the symptoms of BPD can be very intense, for many people this does take some work.
Christine Lawson, describes four subtypes of mothers with BPD: the Waif (helpless), the Hermit (fearful/avoidant), the Queen (controlling) and the Witch (sadistic).
Children of mothers with BPD are also at heightened risk for exhibiting attention difficulties, aggressive behavior, and low self-esteem, in addition to major depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder itself.
Queens are impatient and have a low tolerance for frustration. They also push others' boundaries without regret or recognition. Driven by feelings of emptiness and unable to soothe themselves, Queens do what it takes to get what they feel they so richly deserve-- including vindictive acts like blackmail.
Mental illness doesn't disqualify a parent
It will, however, likely influence the decision. If it negatively impacts parenting ability or the relationship with the child, the court takes that into account when determining parenting time.
Low-Functioning BPD Mothers
The Waif: Waifs feel worthless and victimized. They can suffer from depression, anxiety, irrational fears, and feelings of vulnerability. Waifs feel helpless but reject attempts by family members to help them.
People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. This is important because it could align BPD with other neurodiverse conditions.
Maladaptive parenting has been found to predict BPD features and diagnosis in later adolescence and adulthood [15], with up to 84% of people with BPD retrospectively describing experiences of bi-parental neglect and emotional abuse before the age of 18 [17].
People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) may engage in divisive behaviors toward family members, which affects patterns of relating. Patterns that cause conflict among families with BPD include competition and triangulation, in which a third person is brought into an argument.
A meta-analysis of 10 studies including both adult and child populations indicated an approximately three-times increased risk of BPD in those exposed to maternal hostility or verbal abuse [10].
Dating someone with borderline personality disorder can be challenging. Your partner may have major difficulties with strong emotions, drastic mood swings, chronic fear of abandonment, and impulsive behaviors that can strain your relationship with chaos and instability.
The borderline mother manipulates her child to be available at all times and take responsibility for her. The narcissistic mother lacks the borderline mother's dependency on her child, and instead is simply indifferent about her child's welfare.
A mother with BPD may fluctuate between periods of being very intrusive to becoming very withdrawn. She may have had times when she was far too nosy about everything you did, who you spoke to, and what you did throughout the day when she was not around.
High-Functioning BPD Mothers. The Witch. The Witch is someone who acts out viciously when they feel threatened, rejected and criticized. This type of mother seeks power and control over others, and reacts with unpredictable rage. Family members live in fear of triggering her.
Key points. Many people with borderline personality disorder are highly functional parents. Some people raised by parents with BPD compensate by becoming exceptionally compassionate, mature, and competent. It is never too late to set boundaries with a parent, even if this was impossible in childhood.
There is also evidence to link BPD to other forms of child maltreatment, such as emotional and physical neglect. In fact, some research suggests that emotional and physical neglect may be even more closely related to the development of BPD than physical or sexual abuse.
Diana was diagnosed with BPD in her early 20s, around the same time that she became engaged to Prince Charles. At the time, little was known about BPD, and Diana's diagnosis was met with skepticism and judgment from both the public and the family.
Cluster B personality disorders are characterized by dramatic, overly emotional or unpredictable thinking or behavior. They include antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.
Lawson's book categorizes borderline mothers into four groups: Witches, Queens, Hermits, and Waifs. "Queens and Witches" are higher-functioning, acting-out "invisible" BPs, while "Hermits" and "Waifs" are lower-functioning, acting-in "conventional" types.