Feelings are the principal value for the borderline person. Norms are inauthentic because they disregard the intimate feelings of the person whose behaviour they are meant to inform and orient.
People with BPD need validation and acknowledgement of the pain they're struggling with. Listen to the emotion your loved one is trying to communicate without getting bogged down in attempting to reconcile the words being used. Try to make the person with BPD feel heard.
The borderline person lives an emotional normativity constituted by the intensity of feelings under the spell of a frustrated normativity since they enter into a collision with the hypocrisy of common-sense ethical norms and social rules and conventions, as well as by potential conflicts with the feelings of the other.
Borderline personality disorder is one of the most painful mental illnesses since individuals struggling with this disorder are constantly trying to cope with volatile and overwhelming emotions.
Show confidence and respect.
It is important that support people approach the relationship in a way that promotes trust and respect, which can be helpful and healing to a person with BPD. Although you may feel you know what is best, provide the person with BPD the opportunity to make decisions for themselves.
Many people with BPD have a history of trauma. Whether that's adult or childhood trauma, when they're reminded of a traumatic event, those memories can be a catalyst for a BPD episode. Trauma triggers are highly personal and can include smells, sounds, or situations that remind someone of past trauma.
Thus the values at play in the interpersonal world of borderline persons are directed to achieve a sense of being a person through the feeling of belonging, the reciprocation of sensuous experiences, as well as the experience of being forgiven and consoled.
For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation. The relationship with a BPD favorite person may start healthy, but it can often turn into a toxic love-hate cycle known as idealization and devaluation.
People with borderline personality disorder may experience intense mood swings and feel uncertainty about how they see themselves. Their feelings for others can change quickly, and swing from extreme closeness to extreme dislike. These changing feelings can lead to unstable relationships and emotional pain.
By allowing them to feel their feelings and bearing witness to their pain without judgment, you are showing them love while avoiding a fruitless conflict. At the same time, don't attribute all of your loved one's feelings to borderline personality disorder.
I don't mean to be so impulsive
These strong feelings often lead me to impulsive actions, such as binging and purging, self-harm or going on a spending spree. It is during these times of intense emotions that I often do things I regret afterwards, before I calm down and apologize if I've done something to hurt others.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder are so convinced that they will inevitably be abandoned by loved ones that their behavior can swing in disparate directions in desperate attempts to avoid the pain of loss. Frequently, loved ones are subjected to intense rage and blame attacks.
People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. This is important because it could align BPD with other neurodiverse conditions.
It is important to remember that while having a relationship with a person with BPD can be challenging, they are not intentionally trying to hurt you. Rather, they lack the ability to understand and cope with their emotional pain, which causes them to act in ways that hurt others.
Therapists should be aware that complimenting or giving positive feedback might be frightening and/ or difficult to accept for patients with BPD. Therefore, it could be helpful if the therapist prefaces compliments to the patient by pointing out that this might trigger aversive emotions.
People with a BPD diagnosis depend on a favorite person to meet both physical and emotional needs. It can be exhausting to always feel needed, leading to burnout. If you're the favorite person of a loved one or family member with BPD, they may show some of the following behaviors: Constantly asking for reassurance.
If one of your loved ones has symptoms of BPD you probably often think to yourself, “how can they act this way or speak this way towards me if they care about my feelings?” And you are right; they can't care about your feelings if they don't understand what you feel.
Saying "Stop over-reacting" or "I don't understand you" invalidates a complex inner experience and can create more defensive volatility in BPD. Acknowledging the space they are in and asking to return to it later can have better outcomes when you're both in a better place.
Identifying Episodes
Intense angry outbursts. Suicidal thoughts and self-harm behavior. Going to great lengths to feel something, then becoming increasingly avoidant and withdrawn. Paranoia, feeling as if there is someone out to get you.
Because of their overall pessimistic demeanor, they can easily feel slighted and may express this aggressively or hold it in and build resentment. Those with this type of BPD tend to view people in “black and white” terms (known as BPD splitting), so they are likely to hold onto a grudge after feeling insulted.
In close relationships, a person with BPD may appear jealous, possessive, or hyper-reactive.