Control freaks tend to have a psychological need to be in charge of things and people - even circumstances that cannot be controlled. The need for control, in extreme cases, stem from deeper psychological issues such as obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety disorders or personality disorders.
Controlling behaviors can also be a symptom of several personality disorders, such as histrionic p ersonality, borderline personality, and narcissistic personality. These disorders can only be diagnosed by a licensed health care professional.
A person with a “controlling personality” is driven by high levels of anxiety to feel safe. Though the need for control might be an unconscious feeling, the anxiety can create a strong desire to control surroundings and other people to keep a sense of order.
In the slang of psychology, the colloquial term control freak describes a person with a personality disorder characterized by undermining other people, usually by way of controlling behavior manifested in the ways that they act to dictate the order of things in a social situation.
People with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) may also have a strong need to control everything in an attempt to reduce anxiety and fears.
If someone tries to control situations or other people to an unhealthy extent, others may describe them as a controlling person. They may try to control a situation by taking charge and doing everything themselves or control others through manipulation, coercion, threats, and intimidation.
But just because someone is controlling doesn't mean they are abusive. Controlling behavior crosses the line into abuse when it results in the other person feeling afraid and intimidated. If you have experienced threats, intimidation, isolation, or ridicule from your partner, you may be experiencing abuse.
Understanding Controlling People
Insecurity — Controlling behavior is often the result of fear or insecurity on the part of the controller, despite the image of strength and confidence he or she often projects.
The Destructive ESTJ
Destructive ESTJs are dictatorial, aggressive, and controlling. They believe that they know what's best for everyone and that their way is the only way. They disregard the feelings and values of other people in order to stay loyal to their own rigid views.
Another common trait of narcissism is manipulative or controlling behavior. A narcissist will at first try to please you and impress you, but eventually, their own needs will always come first. When relating to other people, narcissists will try to keep people at a certain distance in order to maintain control.
Controlling, or manipulative behaviour is one of the key traits of a personality disorder called psychopathy. Thomas Erikson: Psychopaths, they are drawn to control, they are drawn to power, they are drawn to attention as a part of their narcissistic behaviour.
Deep down, control freaks are terrified of being vulnerable; they're anxious, insecure and angry. They believe they can protect themselves by staying in control of every aspect of their lives. They're very critical of their colleagues and their friends, but underneath their criticism is a mountain of unhappiness.
Some potential causes of controlling behavior are: low self-esteem; being micromanaged or controlled by someone else; traumatic past experiences; a need to feel in-control; or a need to feel 'above' someone else.. None of these have to do with you, the victim of inappropriate control.
Controlling behaviors can develop due to several different factors. However, the most common drivers of control issues are anxiety disorders and personality disorders. People who have anxiety disorders feel like they need to control things around them so that they can appease their anxiety.
A controlling partner might undermine your confidence and make you feel insecure, putting you down in private and/or public. For example, they might criticise the way you dress or how you spend your time, exaggerate your 'flaws', or make fun of you in front of others but pass it off as 'just a joke'.
Narcissists are self-absorbed. They often dominate conversations, manipulate their loved ones, and engage in deceptive behaviors for profit. You might try to steer clear of these disingenuous individuals, but you might also fall victim to their manipulation.
Manipulation is when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibility, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, lying, blaming, criticizing, and shaming, can be incredibly damaging to a person's psychological well-being.
Be Assertive
Be direct and persistent, and use "I" statements to avoid generalities and accusations. For instance, you could say, "I would feel taken advantage of if I did that" instead of, "You're taking advantage of me!" Manipulators will often change the subject or use other avoidance tactics when you confront them.
Yes, narcissists are very controlling. In fact, the clinical definition of narcissism lists controlling as one of the ways narcissists gain control over others. Narcissists are driven by self-obsession. They care only about their own needs, image, desires, goals, and experiences.