Common traits of a parent with BPD include: Seeking constant approval from their children and other family members. Presenting as overly moody or depressed if things don't go their way. Making their children feel like they can never do “good enough” for their parent.
Mothers with BPD can seem unloving, withholding, and negative. Their behavior may be unpredictable and their children may feel like they have to “walk on eggshells” to prevent their mothers from having mood swings. Twelve signs of mothers with borderline personality disorder include: Puts her own needs first.
Mothers with BPD may find it difficult to balance appropriate limit setting with the encouragement of exploration and growth for their children. It may also be that mothers with BPD find it difficult to adjust their parenting strategies to match the developmental needs of their children.
Research shows that children whose parents exhibited BPD are prone to disorders such as ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder), depression, and anxiety. Studies of BPD in families show that the child of someone with BPD is likely to be diagnosed with BPD at some point in their life.
Signs Your Dad Has BPD
He has a substance abuse problem. He experiences tumultuous relationships within and without the family unit. He is emotionally manipulative and overly judgmental. He experiences bouts of depression or self-loathing, or has engaged in self-harming or impulsive behaviors.
Key points. Many people with borderline personality disorder are highly functional parents. Some people raised by parents with BPD compensate by becoming exceptionally compassionate, mature, and competent. It is never too late to set boundaries with a parent, even if this was impossible in childhood.
Conclusions: Parental externalizing psychopathology and father's BPD traits contribute genetic risk for offspring BPD traits, but mothers' BPD traits and parents' poor parenting constitute environmental risks for the development of these offspring traits.
As a result, they often fear conflict, try to placate their family, and struggle with a core sense of identity. Parents with BPD may oscillate between being overly attached or involved with their children and being hostile or dismissive. Sometimes, they might present as extraordinarily loving and attentive.
Maladaptive Parenting. Maladaptive parenting including childhood maltreatment, abuse and neglect, exposure to domestic violence and parental conflict are found to be prevalent psychosocial risk factors for development of BPD in children and adolescents [10, 11].
Christine Lawson, describes four subtypes of mothers with BPD: the Waif (helpless), the Hermit (fearful/avoidant), the Queen (controlling) and the Witch (sadistic).
Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or those with BPD who may not even know they have it, are more likely than the general population to be verbally, emotionally/psychologically, physically abusive.
The Victim
Someone with BPD may struggle to take an active role even in simple tasks or enjoyable activities without the assistance of another. In this instance, the person with BPD will seek out a persecutor or rescuer to validate their experience of victimization.
Low-Functioning BPD Mothers
The Waif: Waifs feel worthless and victimized. They can suffer from depression, anxiety, irrational fears, and feelings of vulnerability. Waifs feel helpless but reject attempts by family members to help them.
The children of parents with BPD are at risk of poorer outcomes in terms of their own mental health, educational outcomes and wellbeing. The challenges of being a parent can also exacerbate the symptoms of those with BPD traits.
Criticism: Mothers with Borderline Personality Disorder often hurl put-downs and insults at their children. As children are often seen by their BPD mothers as merely extensions of themselves, this may reflect feelings the parent has about themselves and represent a form of projection.
Physical and Verbal Abuse
Several studies found a relationship between physical or verbal abuse and BPD development (23, 24, 37, 59, 65).
Another hallmark of borderline personality disorder is having a favorite person—usually a family member, romantic partner, or someone in a supportive role, such as a teacher or coach. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
There is also evidence to link BPD to other forms of child maltreatment, such as emotional and physical neglect. In fact, some research suggests that emotional and physical neglect may be even more closely related to the development of BPD than physical or sexual abuse.
In fact, content analysis of DSM criteria by Geiger & Crick (2001) found five childhood indicators of BPD: hostile or paranoid worldview; impulsivity; intense, unstable or inappropriate emotion; excessively close relationships; and lack of sense of self.
Unpredictable love - BPD parents may have difficulty providing children with a consistent feeling of being loved. Feeling threatened by a child's normal behavior - BPD parents may have difficulty allowing children to be angry with them without retaliating.
According to the DSM-5, BPD can be diagnosed as early as at 12 years old if symptoms persist for at least one year. However, most diagnoses are made during late adolescence or early adulthood.
However: Brain scans have shown people with BPD have amygdala's that are noticeably smaller than the general population, and may even have undergone atrophy. The smaller the amygdala, the more overactive it is.