Gaslighting in a relationship is about power, domination, and often fear of losing control. Often a gaslighter will use some of the following tactics to maintain control over their partner: They use their love as a defense for their actions. They accuse their victim of being paranoid.
Gaslighters have fragile egos and low self-esteem, so use your own inner strength to keep the balance of power in your favor.
The best way to destroy a gaslighter is to appear emotionless. They enjoy getting a rise out of you, so it's frustrating to them when they don't get the reaction they expected. When they realize you don't care anymore, they will likely try convincing you they'll change, but don't fall for it.
Gaslighters are blamers, using lines like, “You made me do it” or “I did it because you wouldn't listen to me.” They may accuse you of having issues or needs that they actually have, such as suggesting you're not being honest with yourself. They may find ways to take credit for your accomplishments.
In addition, perpetrators of gaslighting typically suffer from mental health issues as well. They may have developed these controlling behaviors as a response to childhood trauma, or as the result of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or another psychological condition.
Gaslighting in Abuse Relationships
In many cases, the gaslighter will get defensive about their actions and claim they do it out of love. I only do it because I love you. By saying this, they're making their victim feel as if their love for the gaslighter is less than what they're receiving in return.
A gaslighter believes their own lies and is insistent upon them which makes the person question themselves.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
Gaslighting friends enjoy conflict and often rile people against one another. Often, this motive comes from a place of profound jealousy. This friend may instigate rumors just to see how people respond.
When you confront gaslighters about their behavior, they often change the subject or counter-attack by telling you that it's all your fault or you are the one with the problem.
Highly sensitive people and empaths are more susceptible to gaslighting because they do not trust themselves and their intuitions. They doubt their own perspective even when they sense that something is wrong.
The gaslighter slowly chips away at their victim's sense of reality. Gaslighters can target those they view as most vulnerable, e.g. people who are isolated or exhibit feelings of inadequacy.
What Is A Gaslight Apology? A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
Reasons Why a Narcissist Might Gaslight Someone
They may want to control you or make you dependent on them. They may also do it to boost their ego or to make themselves feel better. They are insecure or have low self-esteem. They may also gaslight as a way to manipulate, hurt, or gain power or control over someone.
While some gaslighters are very aware that they are putting their behavior on someone else to get what they want, some who are projecting are not aware that they are doing it. In either case, projection is an unhealthy behavior and should not be tolerated. Some gaslighters unconsciously project out of guilt or shame.
When you bring up an important issue or try to stand up for yourself, a gaslighter will almost always get defensive. Gaslighters don't like being challenged or being proved wrong. To maintain control over their victims, a gaslighter will get defensive and find a way to manipulate you into believing you're at fault.
Being a perpetrator of gaslighting is treated seriously by authorities and may soon be considered a crime in parts of Australia. Gaslighting is an aspect of coercive control, which is set to be outlawed in NSW and QLD, with other states likely to follow suit.
Lying and denial. Lying in gaslighting is intended to make the victim not believe their senses and to doubt themselves. Gaslighters are pathological liars who never back down or change their stories. Even when challenged with proof of their lying, they still plough on and their denials can be very convincing.
“Gaslighters are often narcissists and need a constant supply of attention. However, even if you devote 100 percent of yourself to loving and taking care of them, it will never be enough. They will make you feel like you will never be good enough for them,” Sarkis says.
If the gaslighter is willing to be honest with themselves and do the hard work of changing how they interact it's possible to change this behavior. However, if they're unwilling to recognize the pattern then the pattern is unlikely to change.
Gaslighting can be part of a narcissistic personality, but it is not a core trait of narcissistic personality disorder. A narcissist may be self-promoting and feel superior to others; a gaslighter aims to make another person question their own self-value.
The long-term effects of gaslighting often result in the victim believing they have a mental health disorder. This is then likely to have a real impact on their mental health. Feelings of anxiety could get worse over time. Dependency on their abuser might lead to feelings of isolation from friends and family.