It is helpful to your partner if your communication is clear, calm and predictable. The person with ASD will usually want to meet their partner's needs once s/he understands how to meet those needs. Explicitly communicating your social, emotional, mental, physical, including sexual needs, is important.
If you are dating someone with autism, it is important to be open to learning about the unique person you are dating. Try to understand their likes, communication style, frustrations, and annoyances. Be patient with the learning process, and be patient with your partner in their ways of doing things.
Love and affection may be felt but expressed differently
They may show love, for example, through a practical act, and tidy up for you, or iron your shirt, rather than through a more neurotypical way of looking at you and telling you or using physical affection.
Research has found that autistic people are equally interested in romantic relationships as neurotypical people. They just tend to have a slightly harder time knowing how to navigate dating and interpreting social cues, particularly at the start of the relationship.
Autistic individuals may have problems communicating sexual needs which can cause issues in intimate relationships. They may seek to satisfy these needs on their own, rather than communicate them with their partner. In turn, this can result in hurt feelings.
Some people with autism don't instinctively think to give kisses or hugs and tell you they love you, so their partner often has to be the one to initiate these things. As they learn, they'll get better at consciously deciding to do these things on their own.
Some kids on the spectrum feel a constant need for affection because they are not sure when or if the attention will be available. Schedule 5 to 10 minutes every day when you can provide your youngster with undivided attention (i.e., no computer, T.V., cell phones, etc.).
Some autistic people might like more 'obvious' forms of flirting like grand gestures, crafting things for someone or writing letters.
If you're autistic, you might have a hard time reading social cues that neurotypical people consider commonplace. This can lead to misunderstandings. Perhaps you overlook your loved one's irritated facial expression or tone of voice and misread their mood. Desire for consistency.
These responses are often described as a general hypersensitivity, but they are more complex than that: Sometimes autistic people crave touch; sometimes they cringe from it.
Have a plan beforehand of what to do if the person feels anxious, such as a calming playlist to listen to at the shops or a stress ball in their pocket. Build relaxation time into the routine. The person will generally feel calmer and therefore better able to manage when something that could trigger a meltdown, occurs.
One way you can help support them is by reminding them of strategies that help them relax. Prompting them to take slow, deep breaths and modeling it for them may be helpful. Remind them that they are safe. Prompt them to think of a place that makes them happy and have them describe every detail.
People with autism often experience love differently from neurotypical people. Their expression of love is less straightforward, as they tend to rely heavily on non-verbal communication.
An autistic person will feel emotions and will want to communicate emotions to those around them. However, it is not uncommon to encounter difficulties in expressing oneself. Indeed, people with autism spectrum disorder will encounter certain obstacles in recognizing various facial expressions.
While many children with autism feel averse to hugging, some children with autism like to be hugged.
The aversion to touch may be misunderstood as a lack of comfort with affection. Children with autism do experience and express affection – some may simply experience and express it differently than others.
While many people with autism may appear to lack empathy and sympathy, it is not the case for all people with autism. For those who struggle with displaying appropriate empathetic responses, the reasons may relate more to social communication issues than a lack of underlying emotional response.
Social-Emotional Reciprocity
On the other hand, some people with autism might overshare and might not know when to let the other person have a turn to talk. People with autism might also struggle to share what they are thinking or feeling with other people.
Your autistic partner may have difficulties interpreting non-verbal communication, such as your body language, facial expressions and tone of voice. They may not be able to tell from your behaviour alone that you need support or reassurance. This may be hurtful as it can come across as indifference.
Long-term research that involved following a group of individuals with autism for two decades indicates that the average life expectancy for some autistic people is about 39 years. Furthermore, this population generally succumbed to health complications about 20 years earlier than individuals who do not have autism.
Many autistic people experience hypersensitivity to bright lights or certain light wavelengths (e.g., LED or fluorescent lights). Certain sounds, smells, textures and tastes can also be overwhelming. This can result in sensory avoidance – trying to get away from stimuli that most people can easily tune out.