Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
They lack empathy
Lack of empathy, or the ability to feel how another person is feeling, is one of the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist, Walfish says. People who have NPD are often unable to apologize and understand the feelings and perspectives of others.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
People with covert narcissism often feel envy of others who have things that they feel they are entitled to themselves. They may not outwardly express their envy but may show bitterness or resentment towards others. Similarly, they believe that other people envy them because of the belief that they are special.
Someone living with narcissistic personality disorder may tend to resent when others don't give them the status or importance they think they deserve. This may lead them to hold grudges for a long time. One of the ways covert narcissists may express this resentment is by using silent treatment.
They may become aggressive or violent if a person or situation challenges their sense of status. The covert subtype is less obvious. A person with covert narcissism may come across as shy, withdrawn, or self-deprecating. However, they will still be self-absorbed and believe that they are better than other people.
The Covert Narcissist's Abusive Behaviors
These self-serving tactics can include gaslighting and distorting reality; manipulations to get what they want; showing contempt and giving the silent treatment; dominating and controlling their partner; and belittling and humiliating verbally and emotionally.
Differences Between Covert Narcissists and Overt Narcissists
People with overt narcissism tend to display a high level of self-esteem and extraversion, while those with covert narcissism tend to have a lower sense of self-esteem which may result in defensiveness, feelings of insecurity and self-consciousness.
Their secret is that they feel insecure and are needy. This is why they must, at all costs, feel powerful and in control. Once you realize this, it explains their entire personality and abuse. They act as if they're needless and judge their partners for their needs and feelings.
The introverted, covert narcissist may have a more gentle approach to explain why something is your fault and they are not to blame. They might even pretend to be a victim of your behavior or engage in emotional abuse to put themselves in a position to receive reassurance and praise from you.
Covert narcissists tend to hold grudges for a long time. If they feel they are being treated unfairly, they may say nothing at the moment but wait to take revenge in some way. Along with a desire for revent, these grudges can lead to feelings of bitterness and resentment.
While the "overt" narcissists tended to be aggressive, self-aggrandizing, exploitative, and have extreme delusions of grandeur and a need for attention, "covert" narcissists were more prone to feelings of neglect or belittlement, hypersensitivity, anxiety, and delusions of persecution.
They Are Aware of Some Behaviors
It would be unwise to assume that narcissists don't know their own behavior. In short, most do, especially as they get older. They likely know when they're being deceitful, manipulative, abusive, and love-bombing people.
Covert vs.
Covert narcissism is also known as shy, vulnerable, or closet narcissism. People with this subtype tend not to outwardly demonstrate arrogance or entitlement. Instead, they might put themselves down and seem anxious about what others think of them, rather than exuding charm or confidence.
There's nothing a narcissist fears more than consequences.
Calmly lay out which specific behavior you want them to stop doing, and explain what will happen if they choose to ignore you. This is a threat to a narcissist's power, and it's sure to keep them on alert.
Rejection in any form is the narcissist's worst fear. Rejection triggers what they work each day to hide from others and from themselves: a sense of inferiority and unlovability. Narcissists experience any kind of rejection—personal, social, or professional—as intensely invalidating and destabilizing.
Covert narcissists tend to hold grudges for a long time. If they feel they are being treated unfairly, they may say nothing at the moment but wait to take revenge in some way. Along with a desire for revent, these grudges can lead to feelings of bitterness and resentment.
Can People With Narcissistic Personality Disorder Grieve? People with narcissistic personality disorder or NPD experience a complicated way of grieving, although they can and do grieve losses in their lives. Many people who suffer from NPD have extreme and valid emotions that accompany their losses.
Retaliation is a way for narcissists to inflict tangible damage on the victim – whether it involves an assault on their privacy, their good name, their work, their future relationships or friendships, the narcissist seeks revenge to punish you and reestablish control over you.
He doesn't want you to know you are lovable and have power in the relationship. Your narcissist wants you to feel small, unlovable, powerless, and without value. This is how he controls you.
Narcissists can't independently feel good about themselves and require you to feel bad about yourselves for them to prove they are the grandiose person they present to the world. In short, narcissists hurt you to feel better about themselves.