Signs of emotional unavailability include fear of intimacy, trouble expressing emotions, and commitment anxiety. “It's not something you can fix for them, nor is it something they can quickly and easily change about themselves for you,” Jernigan says.
An emotionally unavailable person is also not receptive or supportive when you express your feelings. If your partner becomes uncomfortable, put off, frustrated, or withdrawn when you choose to open up and be vulnerable, this is an indicator that they're not good at handling emotions—both their own as well as yours.
What Causes Emotional Unavailability? While there is no one explanation for emotional unavailability, it can be caused by a number (or combination) of factors. These include attachment styles developed in childhood, history in relationships, trauma, mental health conditions, and one's circumstances and priorities.
Emotionally available people tend to be able to do the following: Experience your own feelings to the fullest extent. Share these feelings with another person and allow them to witness your internal experience so you can connect deeply with them. Open your heart even when there is a chance of disappointment.
If you find yourself cling to someone who really isn't deserving of you, chances are that you are being needy and the man you are seeing is emotionally unavailable. The reason for this is because often times women will specifically go after men that are emotionally unavailable, if not consciously, then unconsciously.
An Emotionally unavailable person often has a fear or a blockage to emotional intimacy, leaving the other person feeling like they are grasping for more, left feeling misunderstood, emotionally unsatisfied and confused.
Other causes of emotional unavailability in adulthood include childhood neglect and childhood abuse or trauma. Being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable can be both frustrating and painful.
Friendship.
Even close friendship can be difficult because, at a certain level, friendship requires vulnerability. Emotionally unavailable people find banter, or their shared history with someone, easier to cope with so they'll often keep a friendship at a slight distance.
Focus on your own feelings
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
Emotional detachment can be a serious mental health challenge, particularly when it develops during childhood. People with emotional detachment can experience great hardship, but there is hope through treatment. Emotional detachment can also be a reasonable choice when people are contending with difficult situations.
Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Person
For men in particular, a consuming fear is “losing” themselves in a relationship. Those who are emotionally unavailable also tend to fear and avoid intimacy and are sensitive to the feeling of being “clung to” or controlled by their romantic partner.
Make conversations and be upfront on what you want from the start. Be self-sufficient. An emotionally unavailable woman is attracted to a self-sufficient man. It is immensely attractive and relaxing for her to know that she won't need to invest too much emotionally or financially on you.
Emotionally unavailable people have the ability to evolve and the capacity to empathize. Malignant narcissists, on the other hand, often do not, and some of them actually enjoy putting others down to derive a sense of power.
To be available is to be ready and willing to do something. If a man is emotionally available, he is literally going to be aware of his emotions and then ready and willing to express them. At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
He makes you a priority
But, one of the signs an emotionally unavailable man likes you is when he puts you in his plans. This means you're a priority in his life. He might avoid talking about his feelings because it makes him feel less of a man. However, he would care about you in the best way he can.
The big difference between neediness and having needs. Being needy: Being needy means there is no emotional ownership from one or both partners. It means we aren't independently regulating our emotions; instead, projecting insecurities or self-doubt onto someone else and asking them to manage those feelings for us.
You may feel lonely, emotionally deprived in the relationship, to the point of having thoughts of ending it. That is understandable. However, just because someone is currently emotionally unavailable does not mean you need to end the relationship.
While many people prefer to use both terms interchangeably, they are actually very different due to one major element: emotional detachment is a cognizant choice, while emotional unavailability is an uncontrollable development.
What does it mean to stonewall someone? In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or is refusing to communicate with another person.
Often, no contact is the best way to help an emotionally unavailable man or woman feel more in touch with their own emotions and feelings. During this alone time, you can get the help you need from therapists, psychologists or by talking to your close friends and family.
When you ignore a man who's emotionally unavailable, it will start bothering him to such a degree that he'll start feeling depressed and anxious. He will try to figure things out on his own and won't turn to friends or family for advice.