A family scapegoat is a person who takes on the role of 'black sheep' or 'problem child' in their family and gets shamed, blamed, and criticized for things that go wrong within the family unit, even when these things are entirely outside of their control.
If you're the family scapegoat, the family may not be giving you their undivided attention. They may prefer to freeze you out. They may even go so far as to humiliate you in front of others. However, they could have difficulty acknowledging and accepting your thoughts, resulting in their negative behavior.
They might engage in 'splitting' behaviors as well, e.g., they might pit one sibling against the other to create a camp of 'allies'. Parents that 'split' will also tend to see one child as 'good' (the 'golden child') and another as 'bad' (the 'scapegoat').
Effects of Being a Scapegoat
Trauma: Being deprived of a family's love, singled out as the “bad one” in the household, and having one's positive attributes overlooked can set up a child for a lifetime of emotional and psychological distress, where they struggle believing they are good, worthy, competent, or likable.
A scapegoat is a person or group you place blame on. When scapegoating children, the child is blamed or shamed for all the issues that arise within dysfunctional households. Here's how scapegoating works: The parent with NPD blames their child (or children) for family issues.
Scapegoats can suffer a variety of negative consequences including loss of social status, economic problems, social isolation, and depression. People are more likely to engage in scapegoating when they are stressed, experiencing oppression, or afraid.
Like the strong goat Aaron selected, the target of family scapegoating is also often the strongest and healthiest member of the family. At first blush, this may sound counterintuitive. But think about it a little more.
More typically amongst scapegoats, 'No Contact' is open ended, meaning it will be retracted if their abusers acknowledge mistreatment and make a commitment to not engage in abusive behavior again.
Many times, healing the scapegoat role on a personal level is about deep healing of trauma, empowerment, and a place to process emotion and find safety in relationship. Healing the scapegoat role in community means learning how to forge new relationships of repair and effective emotional communication.
A scapegoat will have low self-esteem, difficulties regulating their own emotions, they will have symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), they will have symptoms of depression and anxiety disorder, they will use maladaptive coping behaviors and cognitive distortions, and they will victimize themselves.
For Girard, scapegoats are always innocent of the specific charges laid against them; the accusations are always false; scapegoating is always a heinous act of injustice.
In a family where one of the parents is a narcissist, there is always a child who gets used as a trash can for all their negative emotions and frustrations. This child is the scapegoat, who is unfairly blamed for all the problems within a family.
Of the child roles in the narcissistic family, the entitled and enmeshed golden child is probably most likely to develop a narcissistic personality. However, being scapegoated can also lead to narcissism, particularly the covert form.
The scapegoat then feels worthless and unable to do anything right; just their mere existence is wrong, bad, and a burden. They feel unlovable and this carries throughout their entire lives.
Although the strengths of the narcissistic family scapegoat make her/him a target, they are also her/his salvation. Scapegoats' ability to see and question, along with their desire for justice, enable them to escape the family tyranny when others cannot.
People who scapegoat others have certain particular traits; theseinclude a sense of superiority and pride, a large ego which needs maintaining, feelings of entitlement and grandiosity, limited personal self-reflection,poor character, self-righteousness, and hypocrisy. Did I mention arrogance?
Often intuitive and empathetic, caretaker scapegoats can become powerful healers as adults. But if they continue to prioritize the needs of others over their own they are likely to experience anxiety, poor self-care, resentment, and burnout.
1: Bill Buckner
In the world of sports, no scapegoat is as infamous as Bill Buckner, the Boston Red Sox first baseman who booted a routine ground ball that cost the Red Sox their first title since 1918.
For individuals, scapegoating is a psychological defense mechanism of denial through projecting responsibility and blame on others. [2] It allows the perpetrator to eliminate negative feelings about him or herself and provides a sense of gratification.
If she sees the scapegoat as the abomination then her partner and other children better agree with her. She uses any means necessary to coerce the enabler parent and the scapegoat's siblings into agreement.
The scapegoat was sent into the wilderness for Azazel, possibly for the purpose of placating that evil spirit, while a separate goat was slain as an offering to God. By extension, a scapegoat has come to mean any group or individual that innocently bears the blame of others.
A combative mother, too, often relies on the revolving scapegoat not just to maintain control over the children, but also to reassure herself that she's doing a great job. She doesn't see herself as a bully, but as someone with authority and agency, who's determined that her kids toe the line she's drawn.
The narcissist charms everyone around them. They manipulate others to support their distorted version of reality. All the while, they enjoy the feeling of power they get from making the scapegoat suffer. The narcissist is driven by envy, jealousy and a lack of empathy.