Some people describe loneliness as the feeling we have when our need for social contact and relationships isn't met. But loneliness isn't the same as being alone. You may feel content without much contact with other people. But others may find this a lonely experience.
It's characterized by constant and unrelenting feelings of being alone, separated or divided from others, and an inability to connect on a deeper level. It can also be accompanied by deeply rooted feelings of self-doubt, low self-esteem, or social anxiety.
There are different types of loneliness: emotional, and social and existential loneliness.
When someone feels lonely they are more likely to try to distract themselves with the other things in their lives. So if your colleague is always talking about their stamp collection, or always flying away on exotic solo city breaks rather than spending weekends at home, they might be feeling alone.
“The worst kind of loneliness in the world is isolation that comes from being misunderstood. It can make people lose their grasp on reality.”
The key difference between being lonely and being alone is emotional attachment. Being alone is a state of being, while loneliness is a feeling. We can be perfectly happy being by ourselves, but we can also be lonely even if we're with a group of people.
"Lacking encouragement from family or friends, those who are lonely may slide into unhealthy habits," Valtorta says. "In addition, loneliness has been found to raise levels of stress, impede sleep and, in turn, harm the body. Loneliness can also augment depression or anxiety."
The more lonely you've been over your life, the more likely you are to have conditions that affect your heart health: obesity, high blood pressure, and bad cholesterol levels, for example. And women who are lonely may be more likely to get coronary heart disease.
A brain imaging study showed that feeling ostracized actually activates our neural pain matrix. In fact, several studies show that ostracizing others hurts us as much as being ostracized ourselves. We can hypothesize that, similarly, loneliness is associated with the pain matrix.
What causes loneliness? There is not one single cause of loneliness. Loneliness can often be a result of life changes or circumstances that include living alone, changing your living arrangements, having financial problems, or death of a loved one.
Older adults are at increased risk for loneliness and social isolation because they are more likely to face factors such as living alone, the loss of family or friends, chronic illness, and hearing loss. Loneliness is the feeling of being alone, regardless of the amount of social contact.
If you've experienced ongoing feelings of loneliness, it can have negative effects on your physical health. It could lead to weight gain, sleep deprivation, poor heart health, and a weakened immune system. Loneliness can also put your body under more stress than normal.
Loneliness is marked by feelings of isolation despite wanting social connections. It is often perceived as an involuntary separation, rejection, or abandonment by other people.
Loneliness raises levels of stress hormones and blood pressure. It undermines regulation of the circulatory system so that the heart muscle works harder and the blood vessels are subject to damage by blood flow turbulence.
For instance, loneliness is correlated with social anxiety, social inhibition (shyness), sadness, hostility, distrust, and low self-esteem, characteristics that hamper one's ability to interact in skillful and rewarding ways.
Loneliness and depression are closely linked, but they are not exactly the same. Depression is a diagnosable mental health condition characterised by persistent feeling of sadness. Loneliness is a subjective feeling of isolation where our levels of social contact are not as frequent as we want them to be.
Studies show than prolonged loneliness breeds low self-esteem, introversion, pessimism, disagreeableness, anger, shyness, anxiety, lessened social skills, and neuroticism. We imagine negative evaluations from others, called shame anxiety.
Your nervous system goes into fight-or-flight mode, making it harder to sleep. When you're lonely, research shows that your brain can produce an excess of norepinephrine, a hormone that's a crucial “signal during the fight or flight response.” Loneliness can feel, to our social selves, like dire straits.
Don't dismiss someone's feelings of loneliness.
Even if they seem like the strongest, most extraverted and friendly person you know, they still may feel alone and disconnected. Statements such as “But you have so many friends” or “I wish I was lonely – I am just so busy” may make feelings of self-doubt worse.
It is clear that the chronic experience of social isolation escalates the risk of depression and dementias, as well as cardiovascular disease and certain types of cancer6,7,8.
A person who is socially isolated is approximately 50% more likely to get dementia. Loneliness can disrupt sleep, raise blood pressure, and increase stress levels. A person who is socially isolated, has poor social relationships, or is lonely has a 32% increased risk of stroke and a 29% increased risk of heart disease.
Most notably, researchers found that loneliness rates peak among people in their 20s, and reach their lowest point among those in their 60s. Many people also experience a spike in lonely feelings around their mid-40s.
Loneliness affects people in different ways, and for this reason there are four distinct types of loneliness identified by psychologists: emotional, social, situational and chronic.