A generally positive outlook is not harmful. However, a person who believes that they must only be positive may ignore serious problems or not address underlying mental health issues. Similarly, people who demand positivity from others may offer insufficient support or make loved ones feel stigmatized and judged.
Too much positivity is toxic because it can harm people who are going through difficult times. Rather than being able to share genuine human emotions and gain unconditional support, people who are faced with toxic positivity find their feelings dismissed, ignored, or outright invalidated.
We define toxic positivity as the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.
In summary, keep these tips in mind when dealing with coworkers who seem overly positive or friendly—they may not actually be as good friends as they appear! Practice and promote emotional agility. Accept and validate both negative and positive feelings. Engage in empathy and compassion.
“The idea/practice of consciously pushing yourself into thinking positive, happy thoughts even in adverse situations in order to minimize real life's genuine pain and actual reality is what toxic positivity is all about,” says Dr.
Obsessively enforcing a superficially bright, optimistic mindset in the face of serious emotions is known as toxic positivity. Being too positive is related to emotional suppression, which often has negative effects on your mood or your health.
Toxic positivity is the pressure to only display positive emotions, suppressing any negative emotions, feelings, reactions, or experiences. It invalidates human experience and can lead to trauma, isolation, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
This is when someone attempts to put a positive spin on your negative situation or emotions, and it can feel as though they are downplaying your experience. For example, being told that 'at least you can get pregnant' when you've had a miscarriage, is of no help in that moment, to the person grieving their loss.
Contrary to popular beliefs, studies have shown that excess levels of experiences, emotions, and mental states can lead to becoming unhealthy (Gruber et al., 2011). This applies not only to negative experiences but also positive states like happiness.
The health benefits of positive thinking
Lower rates of depression. Lower levels of distress and pain. Greater resistance to illnesses. Better psychological and physical well-being.
It comes from feeling uncomfortable with negative emotions. It is often well-intentioned but can cause alienation and a feeling of disconnection. Stop toxic positivity by clarifying what you want from your conversation partner. Let yourself feel your feelings, and let others share theirs without needing to fix them.
It's all part of the human experience and denying any of these emotions takes away from that, sometimes creating more issues down the line. Toxic positivity becomes an unhealthy coping mechanism that masks our emotions but doesn't relieve them.
Toxic Positivity and Gaslighting
Gaslighting is similar to toxic positivity in that both can invalidate a person's feelings. Both can have the effect of making someone doubt themselves by suggesting an alternate view of reality. Both can potentially be harmful to someone's self-esteem and mental well-being.
It's an "only good vibes" way of life. And while there are benefits to being an optimist and engaging in positive thinking, toxic positivity tends to reject difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful, and often falsely positive facade. Toxic positivity is shallow. It's a false reassurance.
Toxic positivity arises from an unrealistic expectation of having perfectly happy lives all the time.
Although most people telling you to "look on the bright side" mean well, toxic positivity can also be a sign of narcissism. Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a constant need for attention, a controlling nature and a lack of self-awareness or empathy.
“Toxic positivity cheapens the human experience and makes us feel invalid for falling into 'the wrong' binary state,” said Alice. “It can bring on shame that you are 'flawed' or 'broken' if you don't happen to think positive thoughts all the time (which is impossible, by the way—we're just not hard wired that way).”
The Pollyanna principle (also called Pollyannaism or positivity bias) is the tendency for people to remember pleasant items more accurately than unpleasant ones. Research indicates that at the unconscious level, the mind tends to focus on the optimistic; while at the conscious level, it tends to focus on the negative.
With "Pollyanna syndrome," the subject remains stubbornly optimistic and upbeat regardless of the external circumstances. There are situations in life in which sadness is the most appropriate emotion. A shallow, constant merriness is based on denial.
But it can also have its downsides. For example, being overly optimistic can blind you to the costs and consequences of a situation. You can overestimate the benefits, and underestimate the costs. And you can make poor decisions because you fail to make an accurate assessment of the number and magnitude of the risks.
Negative people should get the least of our time and energy, yet we often give them the most attention. Spending time with negative people can be the fastest way to ruin a good mood. Their pessimistic outlooks and gloomy attitude can decrease our motivation and change the way we feel.
Toxic Positivity Can Lead to Shame
Because toxic positivity sends the message that your feelings are wrong, it can make you feel guilty and ashamed, says Kreitzer. Research links shame to many mental health problems, including eating disorders and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Some of the narcissistic behaviours embedded in toxic positivity are: Gaslighting: They invalidate your experience by projecting their preferred version of your perceptions or events that occurred in your life. Superiority: They assume they know what's best for you and what you should think and feel instead.
While empathy is the ability to recognize, and respond appropriately to, another person's feelings, toxic positivity involves dismissing someone's negative emotions and responding with false reassurances, such as, “everything will be OK” or “it's for the best.”
Trivializing
This is also done through 'brightsiding', which is a type of toxic positivity that gaslighters use to invalidate their victim's feelings and experiences. Saying things like “look on the bright side, it could be so much worse” is a type of toxic positivity which is unproductive and can be hurtful.