A golden child's sense of self and their personal boundaries are erased, as their own sense of identity is replaced with the need to live up to their role. Their behaviors and beliefs reflect what their parent expects of them, and they may feel incapable of individuation even in adulthood.
The Golden Child, as the name suggests, is the best and most wonderful child – at least in the eyes of the Narcissistic Mother. It seems to be that the Narcissistic Mother picks the Golden Child to be an extension of herself, onto whom she projects all her own supposed wonderfulness. The Golden Child can do no wrong.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
Narcissists turn on their golden child all the time and their emotional neglect of the golden child means that the golden child doesn't get the validation, admiration, and reassurance that they need to develop a realistic sense of self.
Since the scapegoat child is only tolerated when they bear the faults of the parent with NPD, they can grow up with a distorted view of relationships and love as only conditional or transactional. Gravitating toward partners with narcissistic behaviors.
Since the golden child has been trained to be an actor, they fail to embrace an authentic relationship with their sibling, scapegoat. There will always be sibling rivalry, which not only have they instigated but they appreciate it since it causes the separation.
Growing up with a narcissistic mother leaves lasting impacts upon a daughter, including problems in relationships, low self-esteem, perfectionism, people-pleasing, difficulty with emotions, and anxiety and depression.
A golden child's sense of self and their personal boundaries are erased, as their own sense of identity is replaced with the need to live up to their role. Their behaviors and beliefs reflect what their parent expects of them, and they may feel incapable of individuation even in adulthood.
They play favorites.
Narcissistic parents maintain their power by triangulating, or playing favorites. They may have a golden child who they compliment excessively, for example, while speaking badly about another child in the family.
But while here first-born children with at least five narcissistic traits were significantly more than the second- born ones, no significant difference was evident between them with respect to achievement and satisfaction in life.
The scapegoat is someone who must embody what the narcissistic parent cannot stand in themselves. By “finding” what they hate in themselves to be in the scapegoat child, the parent feels protected; this is the role of the scapegoat child.
In an NPD family, The Lost Child just doesn't seem to matter to the narcissist, and avoids conflict by keeping a low profile. They are not perceived as a threat or a good source of supply, but they are usually victim of neglect and emotional abuse.
Golden child syndrome is a family dynamic where a parent excessively favors one child over their siblings. If you were the golden child in your family, you might struggle with perfectionism, self esteem issues, or setting boundaries with your parents.
Parents who are high in narcissism tend to assign roles to their children including "golden child," "scapegoat," and "lost child." A narcissist's "lost child" may be physically and emotionally neglected.
Golden child
The narcissist will seek out a child to mould in their own image. This is usually the oldest child but can be the second.
The Golden Child vs The Scapegoat. Narcissistic parents project different parts of themselves onto their children. They use the golden child to project their unfulfilled dreams and ambitions, while the scapegoat is a receptacle for their shame, self-loathing, and insecurities.
A child who is scapegoated by a malignantly narcissistic parent actually has no 'parent' in the true sense of the word. He faces an adversary where biology tells him to expect an ally. More insidiously, a child is prone to believe their parent's cruelty is their fault.
Golden children often live in a relatively constant state of fear due to the lofty parental expectations and harsh emotional consequences they face. Too much is expected of them, and as a result, they can also suffer from extreme burnout with no time or space to deal with it.
Lost children spend an excessive amount of time hiding in plain sight. They expend all their energies trying not to get noticed by anyone, including teachers, other children, and their caregivers. This behavior is usually the result of neglect and abuse, where the child felt trapped and unable to escape.
If you're the golden child, it may look like your parents shower you with love and affection, but the love you're receiving is not unconditional. You'll only receive it as long as you stay obedient and compliant. The minute you wake up and stop conforming to their demands, that love stops flowing.
Your parent's mood swings, emotional neglect and violent outbursts have likely left an indelible mark on your nervous system, making it difficult for you to regulate your own emotions. The cruelty and abuse of the narcissistic parent are nothing short of traumatic.
The pain of being raised by a narcissistic mother can feel like death by a thousand paper cuts. It can be difficult to point to any one experience to convey the damage of chronic rejection, criticism, instability, and unrequited love.