In other words, if a narcissist spends money on you, it's because they want something from you. Whether it's complimenting them, offering friendship, providing a loan, or giving them a place to crash. If the narcissist has nothing to gain, they will become incredibly miserly towards others and give little to them.
When deprived of Narcissistic Supply - both primary AND secondary - the narcissist feels annulled, hollowed out, or mentally disembowelled. This is an overpowering sense of evaporation, disintegration into molecules of terrified anguish, helplessly and inexorably.
When a narcissistic person doesn't get a constant supply of validation or someone injures their self-esteem, their confident and superior facade can collapse. A narcissistic collapse may happen because others don't see the person like they want to be seen, for example.
They will have a violent, excessive, and disorderly reaction to the rejection. In a nutshell, they want and will try to create a scene. Simply put, narcissists hate being ignored. They probably want to make you feel ashamed, regretful, and rattled.
Narcissists often use money as a tool for punishment. They may reward you financially when you do what they want, and then withhold money when they feel vindictive. This can feel unsafe, degrading and confusing.
Hiding assets.
Narcissists don't care what's fair. They go to great pains to hide marital assets, sometimes setting up secret accounts, “lending” money to friends, or stashing cash in safe-deposit boxes. Because they're so grandiose, they don't believe they'll ever get caught.
Narcissists tend to focus on extrinsic motivators, like money and rewards, rather than personal growth and fulfillment. Because money and material wealth are highly important to narcissists, they often become a focal point of their relationships—sometimes resulting in financial abuse.
Narcissistic collapse happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder experiences a failure, humiliation, or other blow to their secretly fragile self-esteem. Depending on the type of narcissist, collapse may look different and happen more frequently.
According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.
The Primary Narcissistic Supply is attention, in both its public forms (fame, notoriety, infamy, celebrity) and its private, interpersonal, forms (adoration, adulation, applause, fear, repulsion). It is important to understand that attention of any kind - positive or negative - constitutes Primary Narcissistic Supply.
The narcissist often engages in self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours.
They're often introverted, sensitive, and prone to experiencing anxiety and shame. They may also struggle to maintain close friendships as they focus heavily on themselves, require attention, and are hyper-sensitive to perceived criticism.
A narcissist typically goes through anger and rage once they learn of their loved one's death, especially at the loss of one or both of their parents. They may feel confused over the shame and guilt they feel over the death of their parent for example.
Narcissistic collapse occurs when a narcissist's ability to uphold their grandiose, confident image is threatened. As a result, they often become enraged, resulting in impulsivity, intense lashing out, or harm to others.
Overly critical remarks about our appearance, our talents, our achievements, our lifestyles, our choices are all fair game in a narcissist's mind. Shaming us for existing as an independent human being with our own lives, preferences, opinions, and worldviews is the way narcissists program us to self-destruct.
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8. This is the time when children begin to evaluate themselves according to how they perceive others.
Though typical narcissists do not discard people because they crave attention, covert narcissists may go to extreme measures to permanently discard you.
Narcissistic personalities tend to be formed by emotional injury as a result of overwhelming shame, loss or deprivation during childhood. The irony is that despite showing an outwardly strong personality, deep down these individuals suffer from profound alienation, emptiness and lack of meaning.
As we get older, we all require more care and support from those around us. An elderly narcissist struggles greatly with the idea of looking weak or relying on others. In response to the natural aging process, they may become more hostile, more self-centered, and more inflexible.
Narcissistic Vulnerability
Despite having seemingly strong personalities, narcissists are actually very vulnerable. Psychotherapists consider them to be “fragile.” They suffer from profound alienation, emptiness, powerlessness, and lack of meaning.
When it comes to housework, narcissism can manifest in numerous ways. Some narcissists will avoid housework like the plague because it's “below” them. Others will do plenty of housework just to make you feel continuously indebted to them.
The sense of entitlement augments a narcissist's reality, and they truly believe they deserve everything they demand (Burgemeester, 2021). Some narcissists go into insane debt to keep up appearances and please themselves; other narcissists cause other people insane debt to keep them happy.
It is all part of the entitlement they feel. So yes, they are stingy. And this is not even the worst of it- when they lie, and cheat, and break hearts in a cruel way, and treat people abysmally, it is much worse. That is why everyone should know the basics about narcissism.