While the other person may be blissfully unaware of the INFJ's hurt and unresolved feelings, those feelings fester. Over time, the INFJ becomes overwhelmed by their emotions. That overwhelming hurt is what causes the INFJ door slam. The INFJ door slam happens when an INFJ “slams the door” on your relationship.
They can move on with life, believing that those who hurt them are just “bad” people. In doing this, the INFJ is relying on their tertiary Introverted Thinking process to come up with seemingly rational reasons for painful experiences. While common, this isn't the healthiest way for INFJs to respond to past pain.
INFJs are easily rattled, anxious and stressed when they have too much to do in a short space of time, when they aren't given time to reflect on problems or when someone is watching them.
A heartbroken INFJ might think they should never have trusted this person in the first place and eat themselves up with guilt. They might get angry and defensive, scared of ever letting another person in. It's okay to feel those things, but it's not healthy to stay there long-term.
There's also our INFJ tendency to beat ourselves up and sometimes sabotage our own wellbeing. And we're often the first to pick apart and criticize our own actions. Guilt preys on the INFJ's deeply empathetic and intuitive mind, and it can be agony. At its worst, guilt can become a toxic cycle of self-abuse.
INFJs also feel embarrassed when they cry in front of others or react emotionally to criticism. They also experience “second-hand embarrassment”. This occurs when they empathize too strongly with someone who has done something awkward or is embarrassing themselves.
INFJs have a strong sense of integrity, which means they're unlikely to be compatible with someone who doesn't share their values. They will leave relationships if they believe the other person's values do not align with their own.
INFJs aren't the only personality type to experience burnout at work — but it's certainly a very common experience for us, given our nature.
INFJs are no exception to this rule, and when they become overly stressed they may display a dark side that includes angry outbursts, obsessive worrying, perfectionism, or even depression. When INFJs first encounter stress, they start to behave very true-to-type.
Too many details or other sensory stimuli can provoke a stress reaction in INFJs, especially when you feel uncertain about a situation. Unexpected environments, events or interruptions unsettle you greatly since you are forced to focus on immediate, sensory details rather than relying on your intuition.
When INFJs care about someone they try to shine a light on that person's hidden strengths or even obvious positive qualities. It's important for them to make someone they love feel appreciated, uplifted, and inspired to embrace what makes them unique.
INFJs need harmony in their relationships to thrive.
Any survivor of abuse, whether it's emotional or physical, can be prone to doing this — because of the effects of trauma. However, INFJs may be even more prone to rationalizing, denying, and minimizing the behavior of their abusers in order to “keep the peace.”
INFJs tend to be guarded about their physical space, except for when it comes to family and VERY close friends. If they're finding excuses to touch your hand, bump up against you, or hug you, then it probably means they have feelings for you.
INFJs are so concerned about the feelings of others that we often hold ourselves back. We can be reluctant to open up or make the first move in a relationship because we're not sure if the other person really wants to listen to us or really cares about the issues and ideas that are so precious to us.
INFJs have unique needs and expectations when it comes to romantic relationships and you may struggle to find someone who matches you intellectually and emotionally.
Kindness. As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others. Extraverted Feeling is their auxiliary function, which means INFJs try to connect in a gentle way, and appreciate those who can do the same. Most INFJs also strive to make a positive impact on the world.
Advocate (INFJ) Weaknesses. Sensitive to Criticism – Advocates aren't averse to feedback – that is, unless they believe that someone is challenging their most cherished principles or values. When it comes to the issues that are near and dear to them, people with this personality type can become defensive or dismissive.
In my experience as an MBTI® practitioner, one of the most common struggles I hear from INFJs is the struggle of being misunderstood. INFJs feel misunderstood in their external environment and even by themselves.
They tend to dislike last-minute changes and repeated mistakes, which they see as thoughtless or uncaring. At work, INFJs may find it difficult to keep their personal feelings out of their interactions with others. They'll likely become stressed if they feel unappreciated, dismissed, or ignored.
INFJs are very emotional beings. They feel. Deeply. An INFJ's tears mean a range of things and are not given to generic understanding that when one cries, it is usually because they are sad or angry.
Because of our passionate need for meaningful connection, we INFJs can get jealous easily when we see other people connecting and having fun. We might compare ourselves to them, or worse yet, when someone close to us has friends of their own, we might pull away, feeling unwanted and pathetic.
INFJ: Finds a Creative Outlet
If you're an INFJ, you suppress your anger. “The Counselor” type will avoid addressing their feelings of frustration because they hate conflict, and the idea of confronting someone might break them out in hives.