The time period between Halloween and Valentine's Day is a time when survivors of abusive relationships with a narcissist may experience what is known as a "hoover"..often times narcissists will circle back to prior sources of narcissistic supply to see if they can tap (or suction up like a vacuum) prior targets' ...
Narcissists love the holidays. But, not for the same reasons we do. Of course, they love to get gifts and surround themselves with others so they can bask in the spotlight. But, they also enjoy the holidays because these occasions give narcissists the perfect excuse to up the hoovering.
Narcissists feel that holidays steal the spotlight that they, themselves, should own. Narcissists either try to grab it back by boasting and strong-arming everyone's attention. Alternatively, they will sabotage the celebratory mood for other people. There are two general types of narcissists, grandiose and vulnerable.
It is the narcissist's way of getting back the attention, admiration, and control they feel they are losing. It typically occurs after the victim has attempted to distance themselves or end the relationship. If you are trying to leave a narcissistic relationship, your partner might use hoovering tactics to stop you.
Narcissists tend to spoil holidays and special occasions due to their insecurity when the attention isn't solely on them. So why do narcissists have a knack for ruining these events? Simply put, they derive satisfaction from making others feel as miserable as they do.
Weaknesses of a narcissist: the fear of being alone
As well as being one of the greatest weaknesses of a narcissist, loneliness is also their greatest fear. That's because, in order to be someone, a narcissist needs victims. They're like predators looking for prey to feed on.
Vacations can be like devaluation periods on steroids for a narcissist who has stopped idealizing you or who has worked himself or herself into a narcissistic rage. Narcissists often do not like to see anything else bring you joy when they have this attitude toward you and will want you to feel as miserable as they do.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
Holidays are a prime time for narcissists to circle around like a shark to test the waters for life blood. Targets often feel a sense of wistfulness and reminiscing of the good times when the idealization stage occurred with their former abuser.
Narcissists are painfully reminded at Christmas how they can't feel the love and joy that others can, and to try to offset this. He or she will try to project their pain onto others, hoping to spoil their Christmas, or create actions that bring the focus back on to them,'' she said.
Narcissistic rage is common for those with NPD as they grow increasingly angry with any display of vulnerability. This anger can be triggered when they are “called out,” their image has been damaged, or their shortcomings or wrongdoings are highlighted.
Christmas with a Narcissist can be so draining, it's exhausting. They will guilt trip you into thinking that this wonderfully family festive time, needs to be all about them. If you try and focus on others or even make plans that do not revolve around them, they will take this personally and attack.
Most narcissists enjoy an irrational and brief burst of relief after having suffered emotionally ("narcissistic injury") or after having sustained a loss. It is a sense of freedom, which comes with being unshackled.
For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on. The narcissist doesn't have this problem. Their brain hasn't stored those memories in the same way so they can quickly move on without the attachment.
They may use manipulation and lies to convince the target to return to the dysfunctional relationship. Narcissist hoovering can cause emotional and physical distress to a victim, sucking up the positivity and happiness from the victim to feed own narcissistic impulses.
Narcissists can use fear as a way to bait their partners. This could be through intimidation, threats, unpredictable behavior, or emotional abuse, causing the partner to feel constantly on edge or anxious.
The reverse Hoover is when the narcissist lets you come to them. Which automatically makes everything they did to you ok in their mind.…
To narcissists, ordinary people (i.e., nearly everybody around them) aren't worthy of attention, so being ordinary would leave them unworthy of the spotlight and left to suffocate.
Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism or any perceived threat to their self-image, and they will go to great lengths to protect it. If you criticize them or challenge their dominance, you will trigger a defensive response.
The Christmas season is the granddaddy of all triggers for the narcissist. The narcissist spirals like crazy during the holidays and it can feel like a full moon every day. I am here to tell you that you are NOT crazy and you are not imagining this; the holidays bring out the worst in the already horrible narcissist.
Narcissists care more about celebrating themselves than celebrating anyone else. Narcissists give gifts that represent an investment in their own desires—not in the desire to please others. Grandiose and vulnerable narcissists ruin parties and social gatherings for different but related reasons—it's all about them.
The narcissist tends to be very sensitive to shame, which he perceives as humiliation: a blow to his ego (sense of self) and/or a threat to what he sees as his important status compared to others. This sensitivity is the reason why he tends to lash out at those who shame or appear to shame him in any way.