Golden child syndrome, or being a “golden child,” is a term typically used by family, and most often by parents, to refer to a child in the family that's regarded as exceptional in some way. The golden child is expected to be extraordinary at everything, not make mistakes, and essentially be “perfect.”
The golden child is usually victim of emotional and (covert) sexual abuse by the narcissistic parent. (S)He is also witness to, and sometimes takes part in, the other children's abuse. Many specialists believe that witnessing your sibling's abuse is as damaging as receiving it.
It's definitely a process, but with time, patience, and work, the golden child can heal from these tendencies, and have much better relationships—with others and, most importantly, themselves.
A golden child's sense of self and their personal boundaries are erased, as their own sense of identity is replaced with the need to live up to their role. Their behaviors and beliefs reflect what their parent expects of them, and they may feel incapable of individuation even in adulthood.
The Golden Child is trained to not support the Scapegoat, and to treat as less than, to neglect and to be unaware of their needs, just like the narcissist.
Implications of Golden Child Syndrome in Adulthood
Victims of golden child syndrome may become emotionally unavailable as adults. It affects their relationship with their family and partner. Their primary focus is maintaining an appealing facade instead of genuine investment in relationships.
The golden child is usually the offspring of one or two narcissistic parents, Hafeez says. These parents use their children to show off their own perfection. Narcissistic parents control and manipulate their child's life to ensure that the child upholds the parents' "perfect" image and reputation.
While it is not guaranteed that the Golden Child will become a narcissist, there is indeed an above-average risk that they will develop narcissistic traits or even full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
The Golden Child vs The Scapegoat. Narcissistic parents project different parts of themselves onto their children. They use the golden child to project their unfulfilled dreams and ambitions, while the scapegoat is a receptacle for their shame, self-loathing, and insecurities.
When the narcissistic mother passes away, the golden child is hit with a harsh realization that they are not the world or life's precious, perfect little kid. The golden child is forced to now be hit with a truth that they are not as perfect, as excellent, or as lovable as their mother has FOOLED them into believing.
In the dysfunctional narcissistic family system, the golden child is the most likely to develop a narcissistic personality. Sibling abuse by a favored narcissistic brother usually follows a predictable pattern of behavior. There are strategies that can help protect you from a narcissistic brother's abuse.
Those with Golden Child Syndrome, or contingent self-esteem, tend to become very codependent on their parents, who use psychological techniques like love bombing and gaslighting to control their actions. This leads many of these children to tie their self-worth to the praise of family members.
Favorite children grow up with distorted, inflated views of themselves. They are vulnerable to feeling entitled and believing that rules don't apply to them. They are likely to struggle with intimate relationships. Additionally, they are likely to grow up alienated from their siblings.
Signs You Were the Scapegoat of the Family
While the golden child lives in what appears to be glory from their parents, the scapegoat deals with the exact opposite. The scapegoat of the family often suffers more overt types of emotional, and sometimes physical, abuse. Often belittled, shamed, or ridiculed.
A family scapegoat is a person who takes on the role of 'black sheep' or 'problem child' in their family and gets shamed, blamed, and criticized for things that go wrong within the family unit, even when these things are entirely outside of their control.
Oldest child syndrome refers to a number of characteristics people develop as an outcome of being the first-born. For instance, following the birth of another baby, the firstborn goes from being the “only child” of their parents to having to share their parent's love and attention with a younger sibling.
While the youngest sibling is usually the funniest kid, mom and dad favor the youngest for a reason that might surprise you. According to a new study conducted by Brigham Young University's School of Family Life, the youngest sibling of the family tends to be mom and dad's favorite child because of perception.
Moms are nicer. Kids generally describe their moms as more positive and less reactive. Kids generally feel they get in more trouble with their dads. Because kids have more contact with their moms, they know their moms better and rely on them for support.
And eldest daughter syndrome can go some way to explain why this is the case. Research shows that children make a notable but often overlooked contribution to domestic labour. Mirroring the gender divide among adults, girls between five and 14 years old spend 40% more time on domestic work than boys.
The Golden Child, as the name suggests, is the best and most wonderful child – at least in the eyes of the Narcissistic Mother. It seems to be that the Narcissistic Mother picks the Golden Child to be an extension of herself, onto whom she projects all her own supposed wonderfulness. The Golden Child can do no wrong.
Covert narcissists gaslight their children in many ways. Catch them in what seems an outright lie and they'll guilt you for doubting them. Question their greatness and they'll make you feel small. Sometimes, they directly challenge your sanity.
It seems that the first-born children show higher chance for acquiring narcissistic personality traits in comparison with the second-born children; an outcome in support of substantial role of nurture.
To summarize, overparenting, lack of warmth, leniency, overvaluation and childhood maltreatment have all been associated with higher levels of narcissism. However, these parenting behaviours have often been examined in isolation or in different combinations, with mixed findings.
We demonstrate that narcissism in children is cultivated by parental overvaluation: parents believing their child to be more special and more entitled than others. In contrast, high self-esteem in children is cultivated by parental warmth: parents expressing affection and appreciation toward their child.