Examples of Non-Toxic & Accepting Statements “Describe what you're feeling, I'm listening.” “Don't worry, be happy!” “I see that you're really stressed, anything I can do?” “Failure is not an option.”
The antidote to toxic positivity is “tragic optimism,” a phrase coined by the existential-humanistic psychologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl.
What is toxic positivity? Toxic positivity is the pressure to only display positive emotions, suppressing any negative emotions, feelings, reactions, or experiences. It invalidates human experience and can lead to trauma, isolation, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
In fact, however, positivity is not all it is cracked up to be. Although having an upbeat attitude undoubtedly has its benefits, gains such as better health and wealth from high spirits remain largely undemonstrated. What is more, research suggests that optimism can be detrimental under certain circumstances.
While positivity can help people in dealing with difficult times, toxic positivity does the exact opposite. While people can find comfort in positivity, toxic positivity leads to people's emotions being dismissed, ignored or invalidated.
Be genuine and authentic in your interactions with others. Avoid using cliches or platitudes that may not be relevant or helpful. Be accepting and non-judgmental of others' feelings and experiences. Avoid trying to fix or change their feelings and offer support and understanding.
Although at first glance, toxic positivity may seem to have a 'positive' focus, it is actually a form of gaslighting (when someone causes you to question your own reality).
In the context of mental health, toxic positivity can pose a serious threat to emotional stability. Just like substance use turns into abuse when it begins to interfere with other parts of your life, positivity can become toxic when it is forcefully used to downplay, delegitimize or undervalue negative emotions.
It's an emotional avoidance, lack of empathy, denial and invalidates yours or others feelings. Signs of toxic positivity can be: Using the phrase “It will all workout at the end” in an act of avoidance, and not wanting to deal with the situation. Dismissing others emotions.
Toxic Positivity and Narcissism
A narcissist may use a "positive mindset" to make you doubt yourself or avoid supporting you emotionally, or even to bypass your boundaries and control you. "It can be malevolent in intent if being used to gaslight and manipulate you to invalidate your feelings," said Katz.
Toxic positivity can also be a coping mechanism you employ yourself to grin and bear it. According to The Psychology Group, “With toxic positivity, negative emotions are seen as inherently bad.
Toxic positivity arises from an unrealistic expectation of having perfectly happy lives all the time. When this does not happen, people "can feel shame or guilt" by being unable to attain the perfection desired.
Gaslighters use a manipulation technique called brightsiding, which means that they invalidate your experiences or feelings. For example, they may say, “Look on the bright side, things can always be worse.”
If you know someone preaching mantras like "cheer up" and "look on the bright side," you might be experiencing toxic positivity.
True joy is a choice, just as toxic positivity is, although toxic positivity may have become so ingrained in society that we don't even notice it. We need to become aware of such patterns in us to choose differently. Joy looks beyond pain and sorrow without denying their existence or trying to dismiss them.
A major difference between optimism and toxic positivity is that optimism doesn't deny unpleasant realities. In fact, optimism is often seen when people are confronted with some sort of adversity or difficulty. Toxic positivity is more widespread than is often acknowledged.
The main difference between toxic positivity and optimism is that, unlike toxic positivity, sincere optimism is rooted in reality and lets us acknowledge and express both negative and positive emotions. It encourages honesty and openness while allowing employees to express their ideas, opinions and needs.
It could be divided into four different types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating and coercion. Often the experience is a combination of these four types and not just limited to one of them.
The gaslighter enjoys emotionally, physically, and financially controlling their victims. The relationship may start well the manipulative person may praise his or her victim and establishes trust quickly by confiding in their victim immediately.
Forced positivity is a form of denial. When you tell someone to "just be positive," you're basically saying to them, "my comfort is more important than your reality."
But some researchers agree that a positive perspective should not take the place of feeling difficult feelings, thoughtful listening, and empathy. Toxic positivity is a concept that rejects negative emotions and focuses solely on the power of staying positive as the right way to live.
Toxic positivity tends to feel dismissive and simplistic in the face of complex challenges. Sayings such as “Good vibes only,” “Everything happens for a reason,” and “It'll all work out,” are all examples of toxic positivity.
According to licensed clinical psychologist and therapist Lauren Cook, “Toxic positivity is an unwavering devotion to optimism that can minimize or disregard when someone is in emotional pain.” In other words, toxic positivity makes you believe you should have a positive mindset no matter what you're going through.
A toxic positivity response might be to say, “Just trust the process. You got this. Don't worry about it!” While that response may sound like it should be motivating, it completely dismisses your colleague's concerns and doesn't help them work through it.