“Toxic friendships happen when one person is being emotionally harmed or used by another, making the relationship more of a burden than support,” says Suzanne Degges-White, author of Toxic Friendships. A bad friendship can increase your blood pressure, lower your immunity, and affect your mental health.
The tormentor in a toxic friendship often has experienced similar trauma or circumstances, such as their own exclusion or bullying, that they then exude to the friend they are mistreating, and may also lack a fully developed sense of empathy that would prevent them from hurting someone close to them.
The negative behaviour of a toxic friend can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and stress. According to a study by the Mental Health Foundation, 68% of people who experienced a toxic friendship reported that it affected their mental health.
It can be unpleasant, and researchers claim there is a physical toll that comes from being with toxic friends. Friendships are supposed to give you a warm and fuzzy feeling, but it turns out, instead of making you feel good some friends can literally make you sick.
It feels easier to maintain a depleting friendship than to set new boundaries. For those that struggle with boundary-setting or confrontation, remaining in an unhappy friendship may feel preferable to the discomfort of shifting it.
Things You Should Know. Friendship red flags include: When a friend insults you, belittles you, or downplays your achievements. A friend making everything all about themself and only coming to you when they need a favor.
Friendship PTSD is a condition that is set in motion after a relationship ends. People can choose to go their separate ways either because their bond naturally ends, or there was a massive falling out.
Any relationship can also then be unhealthy: emotionally abusive. It can sometimes be harder to recognize emotional abuse when it comes from friends rather than family or partners. It's talked about less, and some friendship dynamics that can be healthy if all parties in on the joke — ie.
If your friend doesn't respect your feelings, it's an unhealthy relationship. Feeling anxious or negative in your friendship is a sign that it may be best to end it. Your friend is dishonest or holds back information. “Deep connections require trust,” Schmitt says.
If you feel you need your friend to give you meaning, affirmation, and purpose — in other words, you seek validation from them — it's another sign of being a toxic friend, according to Dr. Klapow. “You are not looking for a relationship that is honest; rather, one that is reinforcing all the time,” he says.
Toxic friends will make you feel bad, small, stressed, or uncared for in one way or another, whether it's through talking about you behind your back, subtle manipulation, codependence, or disregarding your feelings and experiences.
A toxic friend's constant criticism will likely make you feel worse about yourself than you would if you didn't hang out with them at all. Someone questioning your abilities or constantly pointing out your flaws can lead to self-doubt, and after hearing a friend's negativity enough, you will start to believe them.
Friendship PTSD can come in the form of feeling dread when the people you considered your day ones were never that all along. Or perhaps the love started out real, and the bond was unbreakable, and over time it just weakened. The fault could have even been on both ends. Either way, friendship PTSD is real.
One of the biggest challenges when experiencing a friendship ending is not having that person to lean on. Focus on scheduling activities and reconnecting with loved ones (but avoid bad-mouthing your situation to mutual friends). It may also help to reach out to a therapist, who can help you sort through your emotions.
If your friend makes you believe that situation never happened or happened differently, they are gaslighting you. They will also go so far as to make you think that you are probably going crazy. If your friends begin to deny how you feel or make you feel bad about expressing yourself, then they are gaslighting you.
If your friendship has turned aggressive and emotionally abusive, then you should be cutting them off completely without any closure. You can straightaway block them and ignore them, as you don't owe them anything. Just do whatever works to remove yourself from that situation.
When someone puts you down, they may be trying to assert dominance over you by reducing your confidence. Humor can turn the situation around by giving you control over the insult. If you cannot come up with a witty comeback, try just laughing in response.