So what is a double-sided compliment? A double sided compliment, is giving the girl a vague compliment, and then adding to it a DETAILED sentence that will translate as: “but there is room for improvement “ or. “but I have seen better” without, of course actually using those words.
Backhanded compliment examples
“You look great … for your age.” Kaufman says this is just revealing the speaker's insecurities about getting older and how aging might impact their physical appearance.
The friend or supervisor tells the other person “You know what boss, superintendent, leader, etc. told me the other day?” This is called a 2nd hand compliment. It tends to be a better way to compliment someone than the direct compliment.
: indirect, devious. especially : sarcastic. a backhanded compliment. : using or made with a backhand.
: a compliment that implies it is not really a compliment at all.
You Have Low Self-Esteem
A new research study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, found that people with low self-esteem have the most difficulty accepting compliments.
In broad terms, it's sometimes known as a "backhanded compliment." An example would be, "I like your dress, it almost fits you." The compliment-insult, or complisult, first sets you up, trusting the person ever so slightly.
These tactics seek to extract gratitude or submission. Backhanded compliments may be given just for the joy of the sting. If backhanded compliments contain an element of aggression, they raise questions about the necessity and adequacy of apologies.
A compliment with two meanings, one of which is unflattering to the receiver: “The senator said that her opponent was quite competent for someone so inexperienced; you hear nothing but left-handed compliments in these debates.”
“Thank you, it makes my day to hear that.” “I really put a lot of thought into this, thank you for noticing.” “Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to express that.” “Thank you, I am happy to hear you feel that way!”
For instance, if you react with surprise at someone's “good” quality or behavior, make them feel uncomfortable, or even perpetuate a racial or gender stereotype, then that “compliment” is now insulting. These are the things you should think twice before you say—no matter how good your intentions.
Most compliments that are disingenuous fall into a few categories. They are made in tones of mockery; they are over-the-top; they are inappropriate for the relationship; or they occur too frequently. If the praise you received meets any of these criteria, you may need to pay closer attention to this person.
Awkward compliments can come in all shapes and sizes. Some are those that are misconstrued, such as saying "The way you play the piano doesn't even compare to my ability," when you actually mean that the other person is much better than you.
All this to say, many of us respond awkwardly to compliments as an unconscious act of self-protection. Unfortunately, this unconscious self-protection often robs us of human connection. It keeps us from letting in the kind words and gratitude of others.
“Was told I have a beautiful brain while doing a paid MRI study.” “You look like you read books for fun.” “My girlfriend in college once said that she wished she had legs like me…” “Nurse said I had the legs to pull off a mini skirt.
“People have trouble accepting compliments for a number of reasons. Sometimes, it's tied to social anxiety. It can also be caused by feelings of low self-esteem, or by going through life without experiencing positive feelings of gratitude,” explains Lisa Schuman, a New York–based social worker.
One is to deny the thing they have been complimented for (“No, I'm not really that great a writer.”). A second is to minimize the achievement they have been complimented for (“Honestly, it wasn't that big a task.”).
Social psychologist Laura Brannon believes women with low self-esteem "are more likely to genuinely not accept the compliment because it is inconsistent with their self-concept and they find it threatening." Whereas women with high self-esteem may tend to reject compliments because they want to be seen as modest and ...
So compliments can be useful, but how do you actually deal with the awkwardness of accepting them? Keep it short and sweet, with responses like: “Thank you, I'm glad you said that,” or “I appreciate your noticing, thank you for letting me know.” No word vomit or undermining allowed.
Any time you receive a compliment, reply with "Thank you." It's a simple, but powerful phrase. The person bestowing the compliment will be most receptive to a humble response. Say something like, "Thank you, that's very kind of you," or "Thank you, I appreciate the compliment."
Even if you think the person has an ulterior motive, just say, “thank you.” The more comfortable you become at accepting recognition, the more comfortable you will be with giving it. If you catch yourself diverting the compliment, it is never too late to go back and thank them.