The Vulnerable Narcissistic Mother Because they are introverts, vulnerable narcissists often present as shy or constrained; their narcissistic behavior can be difficult to identify as it is covert. But at their core, they are self-absorbed, entitled, and antagonistic.
If your mother lives with covert narcissism, you may feel like she persistently prioritizes her needs over yours. This behavior can appear in many ways, particularly during early childhood. This may be, in part, due to the low ability to experience and express empathy that many people with NPD have.
Vulnerable narcissism is a form of narcissism that is characterized by feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and hypersensitivity to criticism. 1 People with this type of narcissism tend to be more vulnerable to rejection and have difficulty forming meaningful relationships.
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naïve to the damage she is causing.
“You are overreacting.” “No one will ever love you with that attitude.” “You have an awful personality and can never do anything right.” “Everyone agrees that you're probably the worst person to go out with.”
The psychological effects of a narcissistic mother on her daughter can be long-lasting. The daughter may struggle with trust issues, abandonment issues, and self-esteem issues. She may also find it difficult to form healthy relationships due to the emotional manipulation she experienced from her mother.
Covert narcissism (also known as vulnerable narcissism) is the more introverted side of NPD. A covert narcissist experiences the same insecurities as an overt narcissist, but internalizes their self-importance, often while hyper-focusing on their need for attention.
Vulnerable narcissists have similar levels of self-absorption as overt narcissists. But unlike overt narcissists, vulnerable narcissists tend to be shy and sensitive to criticism. Vulnerable narcissists may also blame others for their mistakes and get anxious in social situations.
Vulnerable narcissists show hypersensitivity to rejection, social isolation, negative emotions, distrust, and increased anger and hostility.
Vulnerable narcissism is a form of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). People may also call this subtype “covert narcissism.” Those with this diagnosis may experience hypersensitivity, defensiveness, and introversion.
Daughters of narcissistic mothers often struggle with seeking approval from others due to lack of approval from their mothers growing up. They have difficulty forming healthy relationships as adults because they are constantly looking for the validation that they were never given by their mothers during childhood.
PTSD from Childhood Trauma
If you have grown up with a narcissistic parent, there are many instances in which they may have traumatized you throughout your childhood. This can lead to PTSD or cPTSD in adulthood. PTSD can result from overt abuse and neglect, emotional neglect, and gaslighting.
What is the difference between borderline personality disorder and narcissism? People with both types of disorders may have very low self-worth. But in NPD, that leads to egotistical behavior and a lack of empathy. In BPD, anger may be turned inward, resulting in frequent changes in behavior and mood.
Other names for covert narcissism include “closet narcissism” or “introverted narcissism.” Researchers tend to use the term “vulnerable narcissism,” as people with this subtype of NPD appear to lack self-confidence.
Malignant narcissism is a psychological syndrome comprising an extreme mix of narcissism, antisocial behavior, aggression, and sadism.
May withdraw from social situations if they feel they don't match up to others. Feel afraid of being let down and ashamed of needing others. May have rage-filled outbursts (followed by feelings of further shame) when their demands for recognition are not met. Have a tendency to blame others.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
The Scapegoat is usually victim of emotional and physical abuse by the narcissistic parent. The Lost Child is usually known as “the quiet one” or “the dreamer”. The Lost Child is the invisible child. They try to escape the family situation by making themselves very small and quiet.
Feeling valued for how you're perceived (not who you are)
A mother with narcissistic tendencies is typically overly concerned with her daughter's appearance and achievements and how they reflect back on her, says Lis. As a result, the daughter doesn't learn to be her authentic self.
The Secretly Mean: The secretly mean mother does not want others to know that she is abusive to her children. She will have a public self and a private self, which are quite different. These mothers can be kind and loving in public but are abusive and cruel at home.