People who engage in unintentional gaslighting are unaware of their actions. An example of this is telling a partner that we thought the store was out of the cereal they like when in reality, we didn't remember to look for the cereal and did not want to admit that we forgot.
In fact, many times gaslighting happens when the gaslighter doesn't realize that they're doing anything strategic or manipulative. The person who is gaslighting may just lack self-awareness and feel as though they're just expressing themselves directly. However, this doesn't mean that it's not happening.
Unintentional gaslighting is subtle manipulation where the gaslighter is unaware of their actions. Their words or phrases instill doubt and confusion in the victim, but when confronted, they genuinely deny any wrongdoing. Despite no harmful intent, their actions can still cause emotional distress.
Typically, someone denying your feelings, an objective reality you clearly recall, or reality that is unambiguous (e.g., whether they hit you or not) may be gaslighting, while differences in subtler details of memories might simply be attributable to differences in recollection.
Many people see gaslighting as a form of emotional abuse. If you find yourself questioning your reality, feeling a heightened level of anxiety, and always apologizing, you just may be a victime of this. This can lead you to question your worth and have trouble making decisions. Trust your gut if something feels wrong.
We can be both the victimiser and victim of gaslighting, even simultaneously. Within a long-term relationship, gaslighting can vacillate between partners, especially if the pair are given to power struggles.
A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
In other words, if someone gaslights you, it does not necessarily mean they are narcissistic. It can happen unintentionally or from a place of wanting to be right, rather than wanting to control another person.
A gaslighter believes their own lies and is insistent upon them which makes the person question themselves.
If they are suggesting that you seek counseling, help, or outside perspective for problems that are happening between the two of you, or for problems that you are bringing up about them, this can be an indication of subtle gaslighting. Ask yourself, how do you feel about the problems?
Sometimes, someone can unintentionally gaslight out of stubbornness and refuse to admit they were wrong. When that happens, they are engaging in unintentional gaslighting.
Certain mental health conditions such as narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder lend themselves to gaslighting as those illnesses give people a distorted view of themselves and others and a propensity toward manipulating others for their own ends by any means necessary, as well as never ...
While not always the case, self-gaslighting can stem from past experiences of abuse. Most often, self-gaslighting is the result of being gaslit by someone else. Other causes of self-gaslighting can be attributed to digital self-harm, which can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy.
Highly sensitive people and empaths are more susceptible to gaslighting because they do not trust themselves and their intuitions. They doubt their own perspective even when they sense that something is wrong.
They reframe your motives to be the opposite of your intentions. They make you feel like you imagine things. They pretend to be an ally and then become cold. They isolate you from colleagues and friends.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
Gaslighters have fragile egos and low self-esteem, so use your own inner strength to keep the balance of power in your favor.
Gaslighting in a relationship is about power, domination, and often fear of losing control. Often a gaslighter will use some of the following tactics to maintain control over their partner: They use their love as a defense for their actions.
If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.
Reasons Why a Narcissist Might Gaslight Someone
They may want to control you or make you dependent on them. They may also do it to boost their ego or to make themselves feel better. They are insecure or have low self-esteem. They may also gaslight as a way to manipulate, hurt, or gain power or control over someone.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion. Last week we looked at the straight-up lie and reality manipulation. This week we are going to focus on scapegoating and coercion.