Understanding ADHD Relationships
The condition, alone, can't make or break a romantic relationship. But, if symptoms of attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) are not properly acknowledged, treated, and accepted, they can — and often do — create or exacerbate marital tensions.
Impulsive behavior
Adults with ADHD tend to do or say things without thinking. They might blurt out something insensitive, or make a big purchase without looking at their finances or having a discussion with you first. Their impulsive tendencies can often lead to reckless, even destructive actions.
Having a partner with ADHD can make them an exciting and exuberant person to be with, however their ADHD might also cause some problems in a long term relationship and/or marriage. We hope that this page will serve as a resource to help gain awareness of some of the issues adult ADHD can entail.
While all kinds of people can fall in love, the experience of people with ADHD falling in love can be more intense for them. This is because the person with ADHD can hyperfocus on the person they are in love with.
When you begin to date someone, you may be showered with gifts, compliments, and attention; you may feel pressured to commit too quickly. This behavior is called idealizing, or “love bombing.” Devaluing.
An ADHD sufferer may be unable to pay attention to anything that isn't new, which pulls attention away from the relationship as it matures. Because he's not aware that he's doing anything wrong, the ADHD partner often doesn't respond or take the necessary steps to focus on the relationship.
Falling in Love with ADHD
It's true: Attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) has strained more than a few romantic relationships. Equally true (though less recognized) is the fact that partners with ADHD are among the most loyal, generous, engaged, and genuinely fun people you could meet.
Many of us ADHDers have difficulties with sticking with things. We embark on something whilst thinking of the next thing we want to get stuck into. Am I right!? I've come to a realisation that my ADHD traits have had an impact on my difficulties with commitment.
If you have ADHD, you might find it hard to date, make friends, or parent. That's partly because good relationships require you to be aware of other people's thoughts and feelings. But ADHD can make it hard for you to pay attention or react the right way.
A person with ADHD may experience problems in texting and other communication methods. The problems related to texting stems from some of the symptoms involved in ADHD, such as: Excessive phone usage which includes checking notifications more often than necessary.
Yes, adults and teens with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can remain in one monogamous relationship while dating or married. While ADHD brings an additional set of challenges into a relationship, the challenges do not need to be considered overwhelming.
Adults with ADHD may find it difficult to focus and prioritize, leading to missed deadlines and forgotten meetings or social plans. The inability to control impulses can range from impatience waiting in line or driving in traffic to mood swings and outbursts of anger.
Partners diagnosed with ADHD share many of the same frustrations as their non-ADHD counterparts. They feel misunderstood and unloved. They get angry when their partners criticize them a lot. They worry when their relationship breaks down because of their disorganization and distractibility.
People with ADHD may find it harder to be intimate with someone due to symptoms such as impulsiveness and being easily distracted. Sex may be less enjoyable for both partners. For the partner with ADHD, they aren't able to fully focus on either the physical or emotional aspects of sex.
The non-ADHD partner may often experience:
Being ignored, criticized, and nagged. Being neglected and unwanted. Lonely, offended, hopeless, and unappreciated. Hurtful because of rude and dismissive behavior.
Symptoms of ADHD can also cause relationship issues that make it harder for you and your partner to enjoy intimacy. For example, mood swings may make you more prone to arguing. Or you may zone out during conversations or arguments. That could make your partner feel like you're ignoring them.
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and narcissism are two completely separate conditions, but both can affect an individual's relationships, work or school life, and ability to function in society. People with ADHD tend to be impulsive and may have difficulties with organization and paying attention.
Folks with ADHD may tend to be impulsive or angry, but they're not always violent. ADHD doesn't directly lead to violence or aggression among those who live with this condition, but some people diagnosed with ADHD may be more violent due to symptoms like emotional dysregulation and impulsivity.
Examples of common ADHD texting challenges:
Forgetting to check or reply to messages. Perfectionism; overthinking your texts, sometimes erasing them completely. Misinterpreting tone of voice (sarcasm, joking, etc.) General social anxiety.
It's a common ADHD experience that I call 'involuntary ghosting' - a phenomenon that describes the disappearing act that happens when ADHDers forget to respond to texts.