Examples of fawning include: Ignoring your needs to take care of somebody else. Ensuring that you are as helpful and friendly as possible. Responding to criticism with praise or admiration.
Fawning refers to consistently abandoning your own needs to serve others to avoid conflict, criticism, or disapproval. Fawning is also called the “please and appease” response and is associated with people-pleasing and codependency. “Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs, and demands of others.
The fawn response involves trying to appease or please a person who is both a care provider and a source of threat. Examples of fawning include: “I hoped that by caring for them they might care for me.” “I never showed my true feelings for fear of retaliation.”
The fawn response is when an individual tries to avoid or minimize distress or danger by pleasing and appeasing the threat. Someone responding in this way would do whatever they can to keep the threat, or abuser, happy despite their own needs and wants.
Walker describes fawning as “a response to a threat by becoming more appealing to the threat,” a mirroring or merging with others' desires or expectations in order to diffuse conflict and find safety. We surrender our boundaries and lack assertiveness when we are fawning.
In the most extreme situations, you might have lapses of memory or “lost time.” Schauer & Elbert (2010) refer to the stages of trauma responses as the 6 “F”s: Freeze, Flight, Fight, Fright, Flag, and Faint.
Pete Walker coined the term fawn and defines it through the following: “The Fawn response is one of four defensive reactions to ongoing trauma. Those who fawn tend to put the needs and wants of others ahead of themselves at the cost of the health of their own egos, and the protection of and compassion for themselves.”
Fawning is a trauma response that is typical in trauma-bonded relationships and common in codependency. Fawning behavior is an attempt to appease or please our partner to avoid conflict. When fawning, we prioritize our attachment in order to feel safe.
A fawn response, also called submit, is common among codependents and typical in trauma-bonded relationships with narcissists and abusers. When fawning, we seek to please and appease someone to avoid conflict. Internally, we're unable to regulate our emotions. We frantically look to someone else to normalize them.
Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are a broader collection of natural bodily reactions to stressful, frightening, or dangerous events. This sympathetic nervous system response dates back to our ancestors coming face-to-face with dangerous animals.
Childhood trauma is often a root cause of codependency. They don't always result, but for many people codependent relationships are a response to unaddressed past traumas. One reason may be that childhood trauma is usually family-centered: abuse, neglect, domestic violence, or even just divorce and fighting.
There are actually 5 of these common responses, including 'freeze', 'flop' and 'friend', as well as 'fight' or 'flight'. The freeze, flop, friend, fight or flight reactions are immediate, automatic and instinctive responses to fear. Understanding them a little might help you make sense of your experiences and feelings.
fawn implies seeking favor by servile flattery or exaggerated attention. waiters fawning over a celebrity. toady suggests the attempt to ingratiate oneself by an abjectly menial or subservient attitude.
synonyms: bootlicking, sycophantic, toadyish servile. submissive or fawning in attitude or behavior. adjective. attempting to win favor from influential people by flattery. synonyms: bootlicking, obsequious, sycophantic, toadyish insincere.
In adolescents or adults, fawning behaviors can develop in response to an abusive relationship with an intimate partner. Fawns learn to overly accommodate the scary person so that they can manage their own fears. A fawn believes "if you're ok, then I am ok."
Over-explaining means describing something to an excessive degree, whereas oversharing is the disclosure of an inappropriate amount of information and detail about your personal life. These fall under the fawn trauma response (see podcast #302 for more information on the different trauma responses).
People Pleasing
Many who experience quiet BPD identify with people-pleasing behaviors, but what is often occurring is a fawn response. Fawning is a component of the fight-flight-freeze response that usually develops during childhood to evade abuse and mistreatment from adults.
While venting can be a natural part of working through our negative emotions, does it become toxic at a certain point? It turns out, it can. And that's when venting becomes trauma dumping — the act of oversharing your emotions in a way that becomes harmful to the other person.
If you have a child, you've experienced this moment–the meltdown.
These 4 Cs are: Calm, Contain, Care, and Cope 2 Trauma and Trauma-Informed Care Page 10 34 (Table 2.3). These 4Cs emphasize key concepts in trauma-informed care and can serve as touchstones to guide immediate and sustained behavior change.
Suppressing painful feelings (freeze) or attending to the perpetrator's needs to minimize attacks (fawning) are the likely trauma responses. Both freeze and fawning can cause a lack of agency and can undermine helping oneself.