Friendship PTSD is often caused by friendships that have ended suddenly and badly. Friendship PTSD can come in the form of feeling dread when the people you considered your day ones were never that all along. Or perhaps the love started out real, and the bond was unbreakable, and over time it just weakened.
As with any abusive relationship, a victim of a trauma-bonded friendship may begin to lose themselves over time. During the love bombing phase, they may have blown off other friends to spend time with their abuser. However, towards the end, it may look more like isolation and disconnection from old friends and family.
If you feel you can't be yourself around your partner, friend, or family member, it could be a sign of trauma bonding. This can include not being willing to share your feelings, opinions, or thoughts. You may also find that you start to match their thinking either to please them or to prevent them from getting angry.
Trauma bonding stems from unresolved trauma that makes us replicate certain patterns in our friendships and relationships. It's what happens when two people unconsciously re-enact trauma patterns from their childhood, leaving them stuck in never-ending cycles of dysfunction or, in extreme cases, abuse.
Friendship PTSD is a condition that is set in motion after a relationship ends. People can choose to go their separate ways either because their bond naturally ends, or there was a massive falling out.
“Try to let go of negative feelings and focus on the positive aspects of your friendship.” “You can also forgive and then steer clear of them in the future if you feel it's in your best interest,” says Hong.
One of the largest red flags in a friendship is when someone purposefully pokes fun at your insecurities or just outright insults you. They may tack on a “No offense” or “Just kidding” at the end to try and soften the blow, but their words might really hurt sometimes.
A toxic friendship often feels exhausting, frustrating, and disappointing. It may seem as if the entire dynamic is one-sided. It may also seem like whatever you give just isn't good enough. Toxic friends may be pessimistic, hurtful, or manipulative within the relationship.
Signs of Trauma Bonding
You deny the abuse and justify it as being your fault, you may believe you deserve it. You feel a powerful bond that stops you from seeing the person's actual behaviour. You make excuses for your partner's behaviour. You do not believe the threats; e.g. you think they're just venting.
Emotional reactions to trauma can vary greatly and are significantly influenced by the individual's sociocultural history. Beyond the initial emotional reactions during the event, those most likely to surface include anger, fear, sadness, and shame.
Fight, flight, freeze, fawn: the four types of trauma response. Healthy stress responses aren't inherently negative; they can help you stand up for yourself in the short term. However, while trauma is a major cause of internal upheaval, it may be taken to an unhealthy and wearing extent.
A huge sign that a friend is gaslighting you is when they refuse to apologize. Similar to narcissistic behavior, your friend might never give you the satisfaction of an apology. In their eyes, they don't want to admit they are in the wrong. Instead, they will deflect and try their best to get out of the situation.
A one-sided friendship is a friendship that revolves around one person, their needs, and their needs only.
A trauma bond is an unhealthy connection between an abuser and the abused person. Trauma bonds can happen in a family system, workplace, and even in religious groups, but we most commonly associate trauma bonds with toxic romantic relationships.
“Trauma dumping is the unfiltered sharing of strong emotions or upsetting experiences without permission from the listener.” When someone experiences any of the many types of trauma, they often feel overwhelmed and seek relief by sharing their story. Unfortunately, this can backfire.
Friendship PTSD is often caused by friendships that have ended suddenly and badly. Friendship PTSD can come in the form of feeling dread when the people you considered your day ones were never that all along. Or perhaps the love started out real, and the bond was unbreakable, and over time it just weakened.
You might even cry, too. That's NORMAL! Allow yourself to feel these strong emotions and identify them. When I've lost friends, I've noticed that I feel lonely, inadequate, and nostalgic.