GASLIGHTING, in the context of CODEPENDENCY, is psychological conditioning aimed at intentionally trying to make another person THINK their feelings are INAPPROPRIATE in relation the situation, when in reality they are not.
There are many different types of codependent behaviors and behavioral strategies. Gaslighting, bullying, caretaking and manipulating others are all ways of gaining and maintaining power in relationships.
Codependent Relationships.
The definition of codependency is “excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner.” (oxford dictionary) In the relationship the gaslighter makes the victim feel insecurity and anxiety. The gaslighter then has the power to gain acceptance, approval, respect, and security.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion.
If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.
The gaslighter enjoys emotionally, physically, and financially controlling their victims. The relationship may start well the manipulative person may praise his or her victim and establishes trust quickly by confiding in their victim immediately.
Narcissistic gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that a person with NPD may use to gain power and control over another person. This type of abuse can possibly make those who experience gaslighting question their: feelings.
One person is “troubled” and tends to absorb the other's energy and resources by behaving selfishly. The other person, the Codependent, compulsively takes care of the other at the cost of their own wellbeing and independence.
Codependency is when two people are locked in a life where they feed off on another, causing mental anguish. Narcissism is when one of the pair is self-centered, arrogant, and lacks empathy for their partner.
Gaslighting is the use of a patterned, repetitive set of manipulation tactics that makes someone question reality. It's often used by people with narcissistic personality disorder, abusive individuals, cult leaders, criminals, and dictators.
The personality of a gaslighter commonly involves a need to have control over others, a feeling of superiority, and a disregard for others and their feelings. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder often use gaslighting tactics.
Gaslighting is a behavior that people learn by watching others. A person who uses this tactic may have learned it is an effective way of obtaining what they want or controlling people. They may feel entitled to have things their way or that the wants and needs of others do not matter.
Red Flag 1: You're doubting your own truth. Red Flag 2: You're questioning yourself excessively. Red Flag 3: You're feeling confused. Red Flag 4: You're frequently thinking you must be perceiving things incorrectly.
Their apologies are always conditional When someone says, “I'm sorry you feel that way,” that's not an apology; the other person is not taking responsibility for their behaviour, they're simply manipulating you. Gaslighters will only apologise if they are trying to get something out of you.
They lack empathy for others, and their gaslighting can cause danger to their victims both mentally and emotionally. Commonly, a gaslighter has a condition known as a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). They have admiration for themselves over others and will do whatever it takes to put themselves in control.
Being a perpetrator of gaslighting is treated seriously by authorities and may soon be considered a crime in parts of Australia. Gaslighting is an aspect of coercive control, which is set to be outlawed in NSW and QLD, with other states likely to follow suit.
Shifting blame is a common gaslighting tactic. Accusing the victim of being the gaslighter causes confusion, makes them question the situation, and draws attention away from the true gaslighter's harmful behavior, Sarkis says.
Ignoring a gaslighter could mean you pretend you did not hear what they said and do not engage or respond to them. This could result in an escalation of their attempts at gaslighting you or make them angry if they feel you have bruised their pride. Similarly, they might try to get your attention in other ways.
Some gaslighters don't know they're gaslighting and are largely unaware of how their behavior is affecting the other person. But some gaslighters are very well aware of what they are doing, and it is done with intention and without remorse.
But there are also cases where gaslighters act in a way that makes people question their version of reality that affects their self-esteem and disempowers them, even if it wasn't the intention. Without being aware of it, you could potentially gaslight others and not even know.