Golden children are usually raised by narcissistic parents who are controlling and authoritarian. They coerce their child into being “perfect” by creating a toxic environment where the children do not feel safe voicing their own opinions or going against any rules.
The Golden Child vs The Scapegoat. Narcissistic parents project different parts of themselves onto their children. They use the golden child to project their unfulfilled dreams and ambitions, while the scapegoat is a receptacle for their shame, self-loathing, and insecurities.
Some Golden Children do become narcissists, while others do not. It depends on a number of factors, including how severely narcissistic the parent was, and whether the Golden Child received any emotional support from other family members or friends.
But children who were extremely melodramatic, and who also had parents that ignored or neglected them, spoiled them constantly, or insisted on perfection, were more likely to become narcissists in adulthood.
They play favorites.
They may have a golden child who they compliment excessively, for example, while speaking badly about another child in the family. This can make children feel uncomfortable, disloyal and psychologically unsafe.
A golden child's sense of self and their personal boundaries are erased, as their own sense of identity is replaced with the need to live up to their role. Their behaviors and beliefs reflect what their parent expects of them, and they may feel incapable of individuation even in adulthood.
The Golden Child is trained to not support the Scapegoat, and to treat as less than, to neglect and to be unaware of their needs, just like the narcissist.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
Often, NPD will begin in the teenage years or early adulthood. Personality disorders are typically diagnosed at 18 years or older, according to Hallett.
However, some studies have also pointed out that narcissistic characteristics may not only arise from childhood environments characterized by neglect/abuse, but also from environments in which a child is sheltered or overly praised [11,14,15].
In the dysfunctional narcissistic family system, the golden child is the most likely to develop a narcissistic personality. Sibling abuse by a favored narcissistic brother usually follows a predictable pattern of behavior. There are strategies that can help protect you from a narcissistic brother's abuse.
Personality traits for golden children can include: Rule-following: They tend not to question the rules or they may lose love and affection. Competitiveness: They can be relentless in striving to reach their goals. Studiousness: They excel in the school atmosphere.
The child feels the need to prove themselves and please their parents. A golden child will often listen to the excessive demands of their parents to gain validation. The constant struggle for achievement may contribute to additional problems. Children might seek perfection or suffer from an intense fear of failure.
The Golden Child, as the name suggests, is the best and most wonderful child – at least in the eyes of the Narcissistic Mother. It seems to be that the Narcissistic Mother picks the Golden Child to be an extension of herself, onto whom she projects all her own supposed wonderfulness. The Golden Child can do no wrong.
For example, biological children might be treated differently from stepchildren or adopted children in the home. Only children of dysfunctional and abusive parents report that they are sometimes the golden child, and other times, the scapegoat.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8. This is the time when children begin to evaluate themselves according to how they perceive others.
The development of narcissistic traits is in many cases, a consequence of neglect or excessive appraisal. In some cases, this pathological self-structure arises under childhood conditions of inadequate warmth, approval and excessive idealization, where parents do not see or accept the child as they are.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
Narcissists Will Eventually End Up Friendless and Unpopular, Study Confirms.
Children of narcissists who are habitually ignored learn to ignore their own needs as adults as they cater to others and walk on eggshells. These people-pleasing tendencies tend to carry on in adulthood.
Monopolizing conversations; demanding constant attention. Disrespecting boundaries; feeling entitled that they needn't comply with others' wishes. Betraying confidence. Launching “campaigns” against others: making themselves look perfect and their sibling look like the “crazy” one.
The penalty for failure is criticism and disappointment from parents and other caregivers. And very often, the Golden Child interprets this as a withdrawal of love.