Golden Child Syndrome refers to a strict requirement to become perfect. For example, expecting a child to obtain high grades in school or do every house chore perfectly. Such kids are also considered role models within the family.
Personality traits for golden children can include: Rule-following: They tend not to question the rules or they may lose love and affection. Competitiveness: They can be relentless in striving to reach their goals. Studiousness: They excel in the school atmosphere.
A golden child's sense of self and their personal boundaries are erased, as their own sense of identity is replaced with the need to live up to their role. Their behaviors and beliefs reflect what their parent expects of them, and they may feel incapable of individuation even in adulthood.
What Is Golden Child Syndrome? The golden child syndrome is often seen within families who have a parent or parents with narcissistic personality disorder. The parent or caregiver with narcissistic traits often favors the golden child, who represents all that the parent loves within themselves.
In narcissistic families there is usually a child who is treated differently than the others. The narcissistic parent will lavish this child with attention and praise, while ignoring or mistreating the other children in the family. This favoured child is known as the Golden Child.
The Golden Child is trained to not support the Scapegoat, and to treat as less than, to neglect and to be unaware of their needs, just like the narcissist.
The penalty for failure is criticism and disappointment from parents and other caregivers. And very often, the Golden Child interprets this as a withdrawal of love. Love therefore becomes conditional. The agreement is this: The child succeeds, and the parents in return bestow their love.
Implications of Golden Child Syndrome in Adulthood
Victims of golden child syndrome may become emotionally unavailable as adults. It affects their relationship with their family and partner. Their primary focus is maintaining an appealing facade instead of genuine investment in relationships.
In the golden child's case, it appears that the narcissistic parent loves the child with abandon. But it's the kind of love that suffocates the child and annihilates their self-identity. The golden child stays “golden” as long as they play their role well.
The golden child makes the parent feel accomplished and successful, allowing the parent to ignore their feelings of unworthiness; The scapegoat allows the parent to ignore the fact that they are the problem.
In the dysfunctional narcissistic family system, the golden child is the most likely to develop a narcissistic personality. Sibling abuse by a favored narcissistic brother usually follows a predictable pattern of behavior. There are strategies that can help protect you from a narcissistic brother's abuse.
The golden child is usually the offspring of one or two narcissistic parents, Hafeez says. These parents use their children to show off their own perfection. Narcissistic parents control and manipulate their child's life to ensure that the child upholds the parents' "perfect" image and reputation.
The Scapegoat Child: The Other End of The Spectrum
Conversely, for every golden child, there is also normally a scapegoat in the mix. This is the child who gets the brunt of the blame when bad things arise in a dysfunctional family. Essentially, the scapegoat role is to be the antithesis of the golden child.
It's definitely a process, but with time, patience, and work, the golden child can heal from these tendencies, and have much better relationships—with others and, most importantly, themselves.
Forty-three percent of parents with three or more children prefer their last-born, with a third selecting a middle child and just 19% leaning towards their eldest.
Oldest child syndrome refers to a number of characteristics people develop as an outcome of being the first-born. For instance, following the birth of another baby, the firstborn goes from being the “only child” of their parents to having to share their parent's love and attention with a younger sibling.
But children who were extremely melodramatic, and who also had parents that ignored or neglected them, spoiled them constantly, or insisted on perfection, were more likely to become narcissists in adulthood.
Children of narcissists often end up in relationships with people who have narcissistic traits. These children feel like they can never be good enough for their partner or themselves, so they become codependent on the other person to make them happy and validate their self-worth.
The Golden child, who's a narc, does feel something when their narc mother dies, just not any real grief. There's a sense of loss but not the kind of loss that's present when a non narc child's mother dies who was not a narc.
What are the traits of a glass child? Experts say a glass child is typically emotionally neglected; experience severe pressure to be problem-free and perfect; take on parental responsibilities within the family at a young age; and have an overwhelming need to make others happy.
A family scapegoat is a person who takes on the role of 'black sheep' or 'problem child' in their family and gets shamed, blamed, and criticized for things that go wrong within the family unit, even when these things are entirely outside of their control.
Monopolizing conversations; demanding constant attention. Disrespecting boundaries; feeling entitled that they needn't comply with others' wishes. Betraying confidence. Launching “campaigns” against others: making themselves look perfect and their sibling look like the “crazy” one.
But the ex narc had a golden child. He did wake up. It took him till he was 25 & living with his girlfriend and his father started causing trouble between them. He started to realize that his father never followed through with promises; lied; manipulated.
The scapegoat child is emotionally deprived, devalued and trapped by the parent. The child comes to believe they are defective and undeserving. These beliefs can plague the individual into adulthood. Scapegoating reflects the narcissistic parent's own emotional disturbance – NOT the child's.