Family estrangement is the loss of a previously existing relationship between family members, through physical and/or emotional distancing, often to the extent that there is negligible or no communication between the individuals involved for a prolonged period.
Estrangement is often based on ongoing issues. It is less likely that family members suddenly decide they want distance. Rather, people report a long history of conflict and negativity. Nevertheless, there are some instances when estrangement can be more sudden.
Estrangements also happen when family members are forced apart by circumstances beyond their control, such as refugees forced to go to separate countries for their own safety.
Family estrangement in general, and alienation between siblings in particular, can be the result of trauma within the family (especially trauma that only one child experienced), divorce, ongoing unresolved conflict between siblings, bullying by siblings, scapegoating of one child by the parents or siblings, ...
The causes of estrangement can include abuse, neglect, betrayal, bullying, unaddressed mental illness, not being supportive, destructive behavior, substance abuse. Oftentimes, parents do not square with a child's sexual orientation, choice of spouse, gender identity, religion, and or political views.
Estrangement is a relatively new term describing cut-off and alienation from a family member. At least 27% of the U.S. population admit to having this condition. Interestingly, so many are ashamed that they are less likely to accept being estranged.
Unhealthy behaviors, like miscommunication and lack of boundaries, may cause you to feel disconnected from your family. But techniques are available to help you overcome emotional detachment. Feeling disconnected from family could include any members, but it most often relates to parents.
Estrangement and Abuse
Abuse can have long-term effects on one's sense of self and functioning. Individuals who have endured abuse are at higher risk for depression, anxiety, complex traumatic stress disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Individuals who choose to estrange do not do so lightly.
It can protect you from toxic relationships. Most families certainly have good times and bad. Still, estrangement is often necessary. But, it can take a mental health toll, especially when you have to see the person you're estranged from or explain the situation to others.
After an estrangement, many suffer from post-traumatic symptoms, such as emotional flashbacks, hyper-vigilance, and low self-esteem. Some say that a cutoff hurts their ability to trust anyone.
Increased Quality of Life. Because so many family estrangements are due to unhealthy relationships or abuse, many people have reported that cutting ties had positive effects on them, such as greater personal growth, healing, and increased happiness.
Research shows the most common reasons people cut ties with family include: Sexual, physical, or emotional abuse or neglect. Poor parenting. Betrayal.
Family estrangement is common. In a national large-scale survey, 27 percent of American adults reported cutting off contact with a family member. And 1 in 10 reported they'd cut off contact with either a parent or a child.
Adult children mostly cut off parents because of abuse, ongoing toxic behaviors, or feeling unaccepted or unsupported. On the other hand, adult children usually had different reasons for cutting off their parents, including: Abuse, including emotional, physical, and sexual abuse in childhood.
A relative who is not closely related to you. Distant relatives do not include parents, siblings, children, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, grandparents, and grandchildren. Great-aunts, cousins, and second cousins are examples of distant relatives.
Estrangement can be traumatizing. We can be stunned with the emotional rejection and be stuck in overwhelming feelings. Trauma describes the emotional distress we feel when we are unable to cope. We may cope with unhealthy means such as substance use, overworking, avoidance, and retracting from social engagements.
Estranged individuals may experience stigma from other family members due to the estrangement. The loss of social, financial, and emotional support can be great as well. Estrangement can impact future generations, when children lose contact with their grandparents, or cousins never get to know each other.
The pain of estrangement is largely due to having to grieve the loss of someone who is still around and the lack of closure that comes with this. This is known as ambiguous loss, a loss that lacks finality or closure. Ordinary loss and grief contain some elements of ambiguity too.
In many cases, estrangement is worse than suffering the death of a loved one because there's no opportunity for closure when family members stop talking to one another.
Is estrangement always the parent's fault? The truth is estrangement is so complex that there is no simple absolute answer to guilt. The answer is yes when estrangement comes from a parent's toxic or abusive behavior.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
The factors that lead a person to hate their family or members of their family can vary. Toxic behaviors, abuse, neglect, or conflict are just a few factors that can lead to feelings of animosity and that may cause you to feel no connection to your family.