A toxic mother creates a negative home environment where unhealthy interactions and relationships damage a child's sense of self and their views of relationships with others. Over time, it increases the risk of poor development in the child's self-control, emotional regulation, social relations, etc1.
Impacts on Adult Daughters
The damage from a toxic mother can also lead to lifelong struggles with self-image, communication with others, mental illness like depression and anxiety, addiction problems, eating disorders, relationship issues, and more.
The most common toxic behavior of parents is to criticize their child, express self-wishes, complain about the difficulties of raising a child, make unhealthy comparisons, and make hurtful statements1.
Common toxic parent traits include a lack of empathy with their children and inconsistency in expressing love, understanding, and warmth. This may be because they came from similar toxic families. Unfortunately, a lack of empathy can lead to a poor bond between mother and child.
A toxic mother creates a negative home environment where unhealthy interactions and relationships damage a child's sense of self and their views of relationships with others. Over time, it increases the risk of poor development in the child's self-control, emotional regulation, social relations, etc1.
It could be time to cut the person off if you or your child start to dread visiting that family member, especially if they only interact in negative ways with those around them. "Recognize that spending time apart from them is important to one's own mental health," adds Dr. Halpern.
According to experts, a major key to distinguishing the two is looking at how long the strife lasts. If things are nasty between you in many different areas of the relationship for years at a time, the relationship itself might be toxic. But if there's only one, sudden issue, that's probably more benign.
Yes, your toxic parents may indeed love you, but because of their nature, they behave and do things that show otherwise. They have particular behaviors that are more dominant than showing you their love through actions.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
The mother wound is the cultural trauma that is carried by a mother – along with any dysfunctional coping mechanisms that have been used to process that pain – and inherited by her children (with daughters generally bearing the brunt of this burden).
If your daughter feels unloved, she may suffer from several emotional problems. Symptoms can include depression, anxiety, self-harm, and more. These feelings are often the result of the way her parents treated her during her childhood.
Lighthouse parenting is a style of parenting which, as its name suggests, considers the parent to be a lighthouse, guiding and supporting their child.
Lack of consistency. Toxic communication — such as contempt, criticism, and sarcasm. Controlling behavior and distrust. Abusive — this is also inclusive of emotionally abusive behaviors, such as gaslighting, love bombing, breadcrumbing etc.
You may even ask, “Is it okay to stop talking to my toxic mother?” The answer, in short, is yes. But with a parent-child relationship, complexities, attachments, and history can make cutting a parent out of your life challenging.
Stick to your boundaries
Telling them that you experienced trauma as a child doesn't mean you have to share every detail of that experience. If your parents ask you questions you're uncomfortable answering, it's okay to say that some aspects of this topic are off-limits.
Effects of Toxic Parents
Those effects can continue well into adulthood. Here are nine potential effects of toxic parents: Mental health disorders in childhood, such depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Dysfunctional mother-daughter relationships can come in many forms. Often it can take form in criticism, where a daughter feels like she's constantly getting negative feedback from her maternal figure. Sometimes, it can take the form of detachment. “Some women are simply not close to their mothers,” says Wernsman.
Some well-meaning parents may gaslight their children in an attempt to protect them. For example, “You will love these vegetables as they are so yummy.” However, many more do so to maintain control, power, and a sense of rightness in the parent-child relationships.
Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect
Low self-esteem. Difficulty regulating emotions. Inability to ask for or accept help or support from others. Heightened sensitivity to rejection.
“When a person's first attachment experience is being unloved, this can create difficulty in closeness and intimacy, creating continuous feelings of anxiety and avoidance of creating deep meaningful relationships as an adult,” says Nancy Paloma Collins, LMFT in Newport Beach, California.