over·ex·plain ˌō-vər-ik-ˈsplān. overexplained; overexplaining. transitive + intransitive. : to explain (something) to an excessive degree.
Over-explaining means describing something to an excessive degree, whereas oversharing is the disclosure of an inappropriate amount of information and detail about your personal life.
According to Banks, overexplaining can be a trauma response and can develop as a result of gaslighting. She adds that anxiety or ADHD can also lead to overexplaining and it can happen to those who grew up with a strict upbringing where “you had to justify your choices”.
Remember: Over-explaining is a trauma response designed to avoid conflict. “The logic behind fawning is that if a person does anything and everything they can to please the person who is trying to hurt them, that person might not follow through with the abusive behavior,” says Fenkel.
Dr. Nicole LePera said that over-explaining yourself is a trauma response that comes from a deep fear of abandonment or rejection. Because many of us learned that love was conditional.
If you're highly self-conscious or socially anxious, worrying about being perceived as a “toxic person” might lead you to under-share your needs and to a lack of connection with others. On the other hand, oversharing may be a trauma response or a sign that you are ready for or need support.
Stressors and past trauma can often trigger patterns of overthinking as well. When these thought cycles start spiraling, it is oftentimes hard to break free from and move past them.
What types of trauma cause the fawn response? The fawn response is most commonly associated with childhood trauma and complex trauma — types of trauma that arise from repeat events, such as abuse or childhood neglect — rather than single-event trauma, such as an accident.
The fawn response to trauma is not an uncommon one, but it is the newest accepted addition to the primary reactions to perceived danger. The fawn response is when an individual tries to avoid or minimize distress or danger by pleasing and appeasing the threat.
Over-explaining is usually done unconsciously as a way to control anxiety. Most people want the approval of others and don't want to let people down, so they attempt to avoid judgment and/or disappointing people by explaining things in great detail to make them understand why they did or said something.
With ADHD, you might overexplain when you're talking about something you're passionate about and you really just want the other person to know about it too. Or, you're caught in the midst of racing thoughts and you just can't stop talking.
“Fawn is a trauma response where a person reverts to people pleasing,” she explains. If you've experienced trauma, you might rely on people pleasing behaviors like over explaining to keep you safe. You might also slip into over explaining if you've been gaslit.
Most of the time, trauma dumping is not purposefully abusive or manipulative. It's more common for a dumper to be so involved in talking about their traumatic experience that they are unaware of how their story is impacting their listeners.
Fawning is a trauma response that uses people-pleasing behavior to appease or supplicate an aggressor, avoid conflict, and ensure safety. This trauma response is exceedingly common, especially in complex trauma survivors, and often gets overlooked.
In the most extreme situations, you might have lapses of memory or “lost time.” Schauer & Elbert (2010) refer to the stages of trauma responses as the 6 “F”s: Freeze, Flight, Fight, Fright, Flag, and Faint.
There are actually 5 of these common responses, including 'freeze', 'flop' and 'friend', as well as 'fight' or 'flight'. The freeze, flop, friend, fight or flight reactions are immediate, automatic and instinctive responses to fear. Understanding them a little might help you make sense of your experiences and feelings.
The need to justify our actions and decisions, especially the ones inconsistent with our beliefs, comes from the unpleasant feeling called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is a state of tension that occurs whenever a person holds two inconsistent cognitions.
When you constantly explain yourself, it can come across as if you are not confident with who you are. This will make other people think that they know better than you do and may cause them to lose respect for your decisions in the future.
It's a common thing to do. You're not alone. It represents self confidence and self assurance as well. Talking to yourself is also considered a sign of high intelligence, and sometimes, introverted traits.
But repetitive, nearly constant apologies for every little thing—or, what Psychologist Paige Carambio, PsyD calls, “apologizing for existing”—can actually be an after-effect of trauma, a self-preservation technique survivors may think they still need to utilize in order to protect themselves.
Overthinking is caused due to various reasons like fear, intolerance to uncertainty, trauma, or perfectionism. Overthinking can also be a symptom of already existing mental health conditions such as generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, or depression.
Overthinking is commonly associated with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), says Duke. GAD is characterized by the tendency to worry excessively about several things. “Someone can develop GAD due to their genes. Or it could be personality factors like the inability to tolerate uncertainty in life.
Oversharers sometimes just lack personal boundaries. They have no idea that it's not appropriate to tell co-workers about relationship issues or to reveal their financial problems to total strangers. People who lack boundaries sometimes lack close relationships—most likely because they've driven people away.