Parentification is a form of invisible childhood trauma. Parentification occurs when the roles between a child and a parent are reversed. You know you were parentified if as a child you have to step up as the caretaker, mediator, or protector of the family.
The Dangers of Parentification
Parentified children may have a hard time building trust and may have problems with anger and emotional regulation. In addition, parentified children may suffer from the manifestations of underlying trauma, including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and substance use disorder.
Other signs of parentification may include acting as a mediator between parents, being complimented on being mature or responsible by outsiders, struggling to show emotions due to fear of a parent's response, and feeling more emotionally mature than a parent.
Because parentified kids don't get validation about their feelings, they're forced to deal with them alone, which often leads to self-blame and self-doubt. The chronic stress of parentification could present as anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
Children who have been parentified experience more mental health issues, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety14, and personality disorders15. Substance use is also common among this group.
However, there are often negative effects of parentification in childhood. Many parentified children can grow up with higher levels of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
Often parentified children are the oldest or middle in the birth order. Children of all genders can become parentified. Children as young as two or three may start to take on parenting responsibilities by comforting or feeding their younger siblings.
In addition to being burdened with numerous tasks, the children are left alone to deal with their own development and meeting their needs. Paradox- ically, the parentified children experience loneliness even though they func- tion within the family – which should be their closest environment.
Many eldest daughters are subjected to a form of parentification, which Healthline defines as a type of dysfunction wherein kids take on traditional parenting roles in the household: “Instead of giving to their child, the parent takes from them. In this role reversal, the parent may delegate duties to the child.
Parentification can occur when one or both parents have mental health issues and it seems to be common in narcissistic families where the family is structured around getting the needs of parents met, rather than providing a healthy environment where children are nurtured.
Parentification occurs when the roles between a child and a parent are reversed. You know you were parentified if as a child you have to step up as the caretaker, mediator, or protector of the family. Parentification is a form of mental abuse and boundary violation.
There are two main types of parentification–emotional and instrumental. Instrumental parentification focuses on tangible or physical tasks that need to be completed, while emotional parentification centers on managing the emotional equilibrium of the household.
Parentification can occur when a family system experiences high levels of stress, and a caregiver is unable to perform their parental duties.
The opposite end of the spectrum is “infantilization,” a child who under-functions in a parental role but is fulfilling the parent's emotional needs of being a dependent child (Jurkovic et al. 1999). The two categories, “healthy non-parentified” and “adaptive parentified,” complete the continuum.
For some parents, infancy is the hardest. For others, it's toddlerhood. Some parents feel that the preschool years present special challenges.
Often parentified children are the oldest or middle in the birth order. Children of all genders can become parentified. Children as young as two or three may start to take on parenting responsibilities by comforting or feeding their younger siblings.
One study published in 2020 revealed that some children may benefit from parentification. Research published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies suggests that parentification may give some children feelings of competence, self-efficacy, and other positive benefits.
Enmeshment trauma is a type of childhood emotional trauma that involves a disregard for personal boundaries and loss of autonomy between individuals. The purpose of enmeshment is to create emotional power and control within the family.
While responsive parenting improves a child's self-esteem, overparenting is associated with lower perceived confidence and decreased self-efficacy, which can negatively affect a child's academic performance. Parents who are overly involved show doubt about their children's competence.
Individual Counseling: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Children (and adults) who suffer from the long-term effects of parentification may benefit from individual counseling with a licensed mental health professional.
What Is a Parentified Daughter? A simple definition of a parentified daughter is when a daughter plays the role of mother for her own mother; the roles are reversed.