What is it? “Reverse parenting” or “parentification” is when the normal parent-child roles are reversed. The parent looks to the child for nurture, protection and affirmation, and the child, either consciously or unconsciously, sacrifices his or her needs to provide for the needs of the parent.
Parentification or parent–child role reversal is the process of role reversal whereby a child or adolescent is obliged to act as parent to their own parent or sibling. Two distinct types of parentification have been identified technically: instrumental parentification and emotional parentification.
A parentified child does not develop a clear sense of their own needs and feelings. As an adult, they may find it hard to trust others, manage their own emotions, and form healthy intimate relationships. They face a greater risk of anxiety, depression, substance use disorders, and eating disorders.
Parentified children may experience anxiety, depression, and other psychological and physical effects. The impact can be lasting and might continue into adulthood. In certain cases, some degree of parentification may have positive effects, such as building resilience and competency.
Typically, a child may be parentified if a parent is unable to fulfill their own role as a parental figure for various reasons. These reasons may include: Divorce. Chronic illness, disability, or a death in the family.
Many eldest daughters are subjected to a form of parentification, which Healthline defines as a type of dysfunction wherein kids take on traditional parenting roles in the household: “Instead of giving to their child, the parent takes from them. In this role reversal, the parent may delegate duties to the child.
However, there are often negative effects of parentification in childhood. Many parentified children can grow up with higher levels of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
Often parentified children are the oldest or middle in the birth order. Children of all genders can become parentified. Children as young as two or three may start to take on parenting responsibilities by comforting or feeding their younger siblings.
In addition to being burdened with numerous tasks, the children are left alone to deal with their own development and meeting their needs. Paradox- ically, the parentified children experience loneliness even though they func- tion within the family – which should be their closest environment.
Parentification occurs when the roles between a child and a parent are reversed. You know you were parentified if as a child you have to step up as the caretaker, mediator, or protector of the family. Parentification is a form of mental abuse and boundary violation.
Parentification can occur when one or both parents have mental health issues and it seems to be common in narcissistic families where the family is structured around getting the needs of parents met, rather than providing a healthy environment where children are nurtured.
The University of Washington researcher Frank Smoll calls this the “reverse dependency trap” in which parents overidentify with their child's experience and define their own self-worth based on the success of their children.
As the child gets older, a parenting shift takes place and the parent requires that a child wait more and fit into a schedule and learn to consider the needs of others.
What Is a Parentified Daughter? A simple definition of a parentified daughter is when a daughter plays the role of mother for her own mother; the roles are reversed.
Often parentified children are the oldest or middle in the birth order. Children of all genders can become parentified. Children as young as two or three may start to take on parenting responsibilities by comforting or feeding their younger siblings.
One study published in 2020 revealed that some children may benefit from parentification. Research published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies suggests that parentification may give some children feelings of competence, self-efficacy, and other positive benefits.
Children who have been parentified experience more mental health issues, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety14, and personality disorders15. Substance use is also common among this group.
Individual Counseling: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Children (and adults) who suffer from the long-term effects of parentification may benefit from individual counseling with a licensed mental health professional.
Strengths in Adulthood
Adults who were parentified as children tend to have higher self-esteem, especially as the result of sibling-focused parentification and when they mature, they will eventually see some benefits of their parentification (Armas, 2022; Borchet et al., 2020).
What is Malicious Parent Syndrome? Malicious Parent Syndrome (MPS) is a type of vengeful behavior exhibited by some divorcing or separated parents. It occurs when a parent deliberately tries to place the other bad parent in a bad light and harm their child's relationship with them.
There are two main types of parentification–emotional and instrumental. Instrumental parentification focuses on tangible or physical tasks that need to be completed, while emotional parentification centers on managing the emotional equilibrium of the household.
Children who "parentify" often grow up too fast and miss out on important developmental milestones. As a result, they might not learn how to play or how to handle conflict in a healthy way. Additionally, parentified children often develop an unrealistic sense of responsibility and an exaggerated sense of maturity.