AA step 9 of the 12 steps is a call for those working towards to make amends with those who they harmed during the throes of alcohol addiction. It builds on step 8, which required the individual to make a list of everyone he or she has harmed throughout the battle with alcohol addiction.
Specifically, step eight reads, “Make a list of all persons we had harmed, and became will-ing to make amends to them all.” And step nine says: “Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
The eighth step involves making amends with others who may have been harmed by your alcohol or drug use. This step is a chance to grow and improve your relationships with your friends and loved ones—which will only help you going forward in your recovery. The goal of this step is to end isolation from others.
Many believe the main Spiritual Principle behind Step Nine is Justice. It is in this Step where we make right the wrongs we have done. By the time we've reached this Step, we are ready to make our amends.
Whenever possible, those in recovery are encouraged to make direct amends face-to-face with those they'd harmed while living in addiction. For example, someone living with an addiction may make amends by apologizing for stealing property and then make it right by returning what they'd taken.
Step 8: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” The pathway toward renewal and personal growth in recovery is a gradual one. The 12 Step program of Alcoholics Anonymous provides the framework to slowly but surely attain this new mindset.
Step Nine states that we make amends "except when to do so would injure them or others." We don't want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. Also, we might owe amends to people we can't reach.
As scary as this might seem, to possibly face rejection by those unwilling to forgive us, Step 9 is an act of courage. This step will help us break the chains of guilt, shame, and remorse that would otherwise hold us back on our recovery journey.
Ninth Step Prayer
I pray for the right attitude to make my amends, Being ever mindful not to harm others in the process. I ask for Your guidance in making indirect amends. Growing in spiritual progress.
The traditional dictionary definition of making amends is to “correct a mistake that one has made or a bad situation one has caused.”
Step 8 tells us we must be willing to forgive others for the pain they have caused us. As long as we don't forgive, we hold onto our injury until justice is done. It's a consuming job to make sure people pay for the hurt we feel. It's poor use of our emotional energy and it constricts our spirit.
In many ways, Chapter 9 of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book is about learning a new way of living after alcoholism. Because loved ones suffer from alcoholism just as much as the alcoholic, much of the chapter is about restoring healthy family relationships during recovery.
Rigorous honesty definition: Developing a strict accuracy about our character. We all know what honesty means. Honesty is not telling a lie and being truthful. However, it also means not concealing one's real character. Honest people do not try to hide their true motives or reasons for their actions.
There is a difference between making amends and offering an apology. An apology is when you just say, "I'm sorry" to someone you've hurt. When you make amends, you take action to right the wrong that you've done and restore the balance with the other person.
She tried to make amends by apologizing to him. I'd like to make amends (to you) for my behavior last night.
Step 9 of AA: Be Willing to Make Amends
Step 9 requires one to be willing to go to any lengths to make amends, provided they don't end up causing somebody new or additional harm. The individual must be willing to take this step no matter how severe the personal consequences.
The twelve promises of A.A. will materialize if we are painstaking about this phase of our development.
Making amends is part of the process of not only seeking forgiveness from others, letting them know how sorry we are, but also in working to forgive ourselves. Self-forgiveness is a crucial part of recovery. Without it, we are likely to fall into our same old patterns in order to cope with the pain.
Ask for Forgiveness
You also need to be ready to make amends and change your behavior in the future. If someone has forgiven you and is willing to accept your apology but continues to treat you poorly or speak badly about you to others, it's okay not to go back into their lives right away—but do try again eventually.
And even though you've forgiven someone, it doesn't mean you have to forget their offense. Forgiveness is a process that can take time and may require some effort. If you want help, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance.
God answered Solomon with four conditions for forgiveness: humble yourself by admitting your sins; praying to God – asking for forgiveness; seeking God continually; and turning from sinful behavior.