If you take a look at the list of the top five marriage fears you'll see that they actually simmer down to one fear: the fear of loss. We've all been hurt in our lives and we all know that committed relationships require risking our hearts and opening to the possibility of loss.
At first glance, we could take that question to mean that engaged folks are scared that they'll fail and get a divorce. Many are. But others fear that their marriages will never live up to their parents' expectations. Both are painful comparisons.
The most common fears within relationships may include: intimacy. inadequacy. abandonment.
And during one of our recent panel discussions before thousands of women, Miss Kay summarized a huge dose of marriage reality into so tight a capsule that any of us could swallow it and keep it down. She said that men possess two great fears: the fear of being found inadequate. the fear of being controlled by a woman.
You probably fear the loss of financial security. There may be a loss of income, but also increased expenses for two homes, and the cost of the legal process itself. You may fear losing those assets you've worked so hard for, such as your home, or business.
Willard Harvey, in his book His Needs/Her Needs, states the five top needs of men in marriage. Those five needs are admiration, physical attractiveness, recreational companionship, sexual fulfillment and domestic support. The need that is often most neglected and that I want to focus on here is the need for admiration.
Recent statistics indicate that the number one fear for men is acrophobia, the fear of heights. Acrophobia is, in fact, one of the more common phobias for both men and women.
These fears are generally rooted in past childhood experiences and triggered by the here-and-now of adult relationships. This leads to confusion if a person focuses on examining the relationship solely based on present-day circumstances. Fear of intimacy can also be linked to anxiety disorders.
Fear of Commitment and Fear of Being Dependent
One deeply rooted fear that drives this thinking is the fear of losing the sense of independence we have while single. After all, once you are married you have to spend all your time with your spouse, you become boring, and you have to be serious about life.
Gamophobia is a paralyzing fear of marriage or commitment. More than just “cold feet,” it is a diagnosable — and treatable — anxiety disorder. Symptoms of gamophobia are both physical and emotional. They can include an increased heart rate, dizziness, and sweating, along with intense feelings of shame, guilt, or dread.
Gynophobia is defined as an intense and irrational fear of women. It may be characterized as a form of specific phobia.
Both men and women consistently cite emotional stability and maturity as one of the most attractive traits in a potential spouse. While men often fall victim to the stereotype of prioritizing physical attraction, when it comes to a potential wife, they want a woman who is grounded and secure in herself.
Men Want A Sense Of Physical Connection
It can be something as simple as a hug, holding hands, or a deep kiss. In a relationship, men and women have different needs. While women love connecting through communication and sharing their world through words, men love doing so through physical intimacy.
Intimacy and Initiation
Husbands want more physical affection and touch from their wife — and not just sex. So cuddle up to him while you watch a show, give him a big hug and kiss hello, a back rub or some foreplay. Initiate sex! Make an effort to show some physical affection towards him consistently.
An unreliable partner is also toxic, always promising to do things but never coming through, leading to stress in the marriage. An overly jealous and possessive person can be toxic because their suspicions and controlling behavior can make life miserable for their partner.
In marriage, you and your spouse are ideally working together to bring about your goals, dreams, and hopes. In any collaborative process, you will be faced with your limitations—it's inevitable. And this begins to illuminate why being shown your limitations is one of the hardest parts of marriage.
You Dread Being Together
If you feel anxiety, dread, nervousness, or fear about being with your partner, it's a good sign that your gut is telling you that this relationship isn't working for you right now. Avoiding each other indicates on an unconscious level that you don't want to connect or support one another.
The sad part is that an unhappy marriage can cause significant strain on the marriage and lead to depression and anxiety. Many of these couples turn to marriage counseling to help them figure out what is wrong with their union.