According to Gottman's research from 1994, contempt is the No. 1 predictor of divorce within the first 6 years of marriage.
The Four Horsemen are four communication habits that increase the likelihood of divorce, according to research by psychologist and renowned marriage researcher John Gottman, Ph. D. Those four behaviors are criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt.
According to Stanford University, “… nearly 70% of women initiated a divorce.” Psychologists argue that this is the result of building resentment resulting from years of emotional miscommunication.
There are many risk factors for divorce such as marrying at an early age, low income, low education level, cohabitation before marriage, no religious affiliation, being a minority race, insecurity and unstable mental health, multiple marriages, premarital pregnancy, and having divorced parents.
Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.
A study led by the American Sociological Association determined that nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women. And the percentage of college-educated American women who initiated divorce is even higher.
The 3×3 rule is a way to intentionally plan your time together as a couple and alone. Every week, you and your wife set three hours aside to spend alone with one another, and another three hours to spend completely by yourselves. This time can be taken all in one day or split up and spread across the week as you like.
The average age for newly married couples going through their first divorce in the United States is 30 years old. About 34% of all divorces initiate spouses aged 25 to 29.
Research has found the most common reasons people give for their divorce are lack of commitment, too much arguing, infidelity, marrying too young, unrealistic expectations, lack of equality in the relationship, lack of preparation for marriage, and abuse.
And his number one predictor of a break-up? It's contempt. Yes, that eye-rolling, disgusted, angry disdain that some people display when discussing problems with their other halves is a sure sign they're headed for divorce. Dr Gottman saw this as a clear pattern in his work with troubled couples.
Communication skills, intimacy, and conflict resolution techniques are traits that predict marital satisfaction. In addition, negative communication behaviors such as criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling are predictions of dissatisfaction in marriage.
Divorce is disruptive enough for children of divorce without their parents involved in heated disputes. As a result, I take the approach and utilize what I call the three C's of Divorce with my clients and opposing counsel. Communication, Cooperation and Clarification.
While there are countless divorce studies with conflicting statistics, the data points to two periods during a marriage when divorces are most common: years 1 – 2 and years 5 – 8. Of those two high-risk periods, there are two years in particular that stand out as the most common years for divorce — years 7 and 8.
Once affirmed, they begin the attack on their spouse. Verbal berating, name calling, threats of divorce, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and bullying are common first line attacks. This tactic almost always works in the beginning as the spouse dejectedly returns back to the narcissist to try the relationships again.
Women are more likely to initiate separation than men
Thirty per cent of separations were initiated jointly with 70 per cent of separations initiated unilaterally by either the husband or wife.
Domestic Violence or Emotional Abuse
Domestic violence is one of the most leading reasons for divorce in Australia. It is a serious issue that can have a significant impact on the lives of those affected. Moreover, the Family Law Act recognises the importance of protecting victims of domestic violence.
Enter the 2-2-2 rule: Try and swing a date night every two weeks, a weekend away every two months and a week away every two years. The rule has its origins on a Reddit thread from 2015 and has in recent weeks reappeared on social media as a form of relationship advice.
Establish a 10-minute rule. Every day, for 10 minutes, talk alone about something other than work, the family and children, the household, the relationship. No problems, no scheduling, no logistics.
The 80/20 relationship theory states that you can only get about 80% of your wants and needs from a healthy relationship, while the remaining 20% you need to provide for yourself.
While the stereotype is that women are the ones who want to get married, the truth is that they are one who want to get divorced when things aren't going right. In fact, studies show that 70% of divorces are initiated by women. When accounting for just college-educated women, that figure jumps up to 90%.
There Is No Emotional Intimacy Between You
Over time you become disengaged, spending more time alone, at work, with the kids, or with other friends than you do with your spouse. The two of you become more like roommates and co-parents rather than a married couple.
Whether accepted or not, there is one fact that cannot be disputed. And that is that women initiate divorce more often than men on average. Numerous studies have shown this. In fact, nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women.