Let's be clear about people who claim they were “just joking” after cutting you. It is obviously juvenile, but it is also one of the most common and cruelest forms of gaslighting. Gaslighting is emotional abuse in which someone makes you doubt your reality and sometimes even question your sanity.
Gaslighting can be described as the ultimate form of betrayal, as it is a serious form of manipulation that causes victims to question their reality. These perpetrators rely on an imbalance of power that favors their agenda; the victims lack a confidence and are easily influenced.
It could be divided into four different types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating and coercion. Often the experience is a combination of these four types and not just limited to one of them.
A gaslighting narcissist is a person with narcissistic personality disorder who uses gaslighting as a form of control and manipulation. Gaslighting is a form of abuse that can make you question reality or feel confused.
The best option is to leave and cut off all communication with the gaslighter—go "radio silence." Be prepared for them to try everything in their power to get you back into their clutches. They need attention—and if they aren't getting it from a new relationship, they will come back for you.
Though some people may not realize the damage their behavior is causing, if they aren't willing to hear your requests for change and attempt to make these changes, end the relationship before it goes any further. Remember that gaslighters have fragile egos, little self-esteem, and are inherently weak.
Gaslighting in a relationship is about power, domination, and often fear of losing control. Often a gaslighter will use some of the following tactics to maintain control over their partner: They use their love as a defense for their actions. They accuse their victim of being paranoid.
The gaslighter enjoys emotionally, physically, and financially controlling their victims. The relationship may start well the manipulative person may praise his or her victim and establishes trust quickly by confiding in their victim immediately.
In addition, perpetrators of gaslighting typically suffer from mental health issues as well. They may have developed these controlling behaviors as a response to childhood trauma, or as the result of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or another psychological condition.
The personality of a gaslighter commonly involves a need to have control over others, a feeling of superiority, and a disregard for others and their feelings. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder often use gaslighting tactics.
Why gaslighting is so damaging. Gaslighting makes you doubt your own perception, your feelings, and your memory. It makes you doubt reality itself, and therefore your own sanity.
If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.
The term “gaslighting” originates in a British play-turned film from the 1930s. The play was called “Gas Light” and the plot is about a husband who mentally and emotionally manipulates his wife into believing she is crazy by changing the intensity of the gas lamps within their home.
Despite all this, gaslighting often isn't so obvious. Many gaslighters may not realize they're gaslighting, and many people who are being gaslighted also fail to recognize it at first.
Signs of Narcissist Gaslighting
They may try to make you feel like you're overreacting or being too sensitive by saying things like, “You're being paranoid,” or “You're imagining things.” They might also try to control what you do and who you see by trying to isolate you from your friends and family.
Sometimes a gaslighter who engages in intimidation may “use silence as a weapon against you, either to get his way or to punish you when you displease him,” says Robin Stern, PhD, co-founder and associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive ...
“If you cared about me, you would ___”
In romantic relationships, a gaslighter may use their partner's love against them as a way to excuse their own bad behavior. They may also incorrectly accuse partners of cheating or causing problems in the relationship.
One of the most common reasons people gaslight is to gain power over others. This need for domination may stem from narcissism, antisocial personality, or other issues. Like most cases of abuse, gaslighting is about control. As gaslighting progresses, the target often second-guesses their own memories and thoughts.
Red Flag 1: You're doubting your own truth. Red Flag 2: You're questioning yourself excessively. Red Flag 3: You're feeling confused. Red Flag 4: You're frequently thinking you must be perceiving things incorrectly.
To maintain control over their victims, a gaslighter will get defensive and find a way to manipulate you into believing you're at fault. For example, if you confront them about their inappropriate workplace behavior or jokes, they might turn it around on you by asking you why you're not resilient enough to take it.
When you confront gaslighters about their behavior, they often change the subject or counter-attack by telling you that it's all your fault or you are the one with the problem. They may say that you made them act the way they did because you irritated them.
If the gaslighter is willing to be honest with themselves and do the hard work of changing how they interact it's possible to change this behavior. However, if they're unwilling to recognize the pattern then the pattern is unlikely to change.