When you discover the sexual betrayal of your spouse, it plunges you into pain, loss, and grief. Some women express that it shakes the very foundation of trust for everyone and everything. In 1969, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five stages of grief that include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
While experiences may vary, people commonly go through several stages after learning of their partner's betrayal, whether it be an emotional affair, hidden pornography use, or a sexual affair. They include shock, denial, obsession, anger, bargaining, mourning, acceptance and recovery.
Affair recovery usually takes anywhere from six months to two years and is often a painful process yet a possible one for couples who possess humility, compassion, and tenacity.
A Rough Timeline. People need to understand that it takes at least two years for the shock waves of the infidelity to subside. That doesn't mean it's all bad for two years. In fact, couples may find they're doing better than ever during that period, but, at any given moment, reminders and triggers can still occur.
The pain that comes with infidelity is inevitable, but people do recover. The healing process is different for both the one who cheated and the betrayed partner. For the unfaithful partner, healing often occurs quickly. However, the other continues to grieve and experience lingering triggers and reminders.
The person who was cheated (sexually or emotionally) on may meet the criteria for PTSD and experience trauma-related symptoms such as rage, humiliation, intrusive images and flashbacks, preoccupation, emotional numbing, heightened anxiety to triggers, erratic behavior and sudden mood swings, and difficulty with sleep ...
Not only do they apologize, and often, but they also openly express what they're apologizing for. They don't make vague statements or blanket apologies. They show their remorse by doing things that they feel will lessen your pain. It's about both words and actions.
Cheating on a spouse or significant other is sure to cause feelings of jealousy and hurt in the spurned partner. But men and women differ on what part of cheating they think is the worst: Men tend to be more bothered by sexual infidelity, while most women are bothered more by emotional infidelity.
Being cheated on can physically impact your brain
Our brains release more oxytocin and dopamine when we are happily in love, and infidelity can obstruct the neural connections that lead to this release. Trauma alters both the structure and chemistry of the brain, which might start to have an impact on daily activities.
Hysterical bonding is a complex and often painful experience that can occur after infidelity. While it can provide temporary comfort and emotional relief, it may not address the underlying issues that led to the infidelity.
For instance, it's common to feel disappointed or betrayed after infidelity, so take a moment to recognize these feelings are normal. "In general, getting over infidelity follows the usual stages of grief: shock/denial; anger/defiance; bargaining; depression, remorse; and acceptance," explains Weiss.
Many people are surprised that infidelity can result in such a terrible betrayal that they are traumatized by the act. However, this is not uncommon. In some cases, infidelity-related PTSD is called post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD) and results from betrayal trauma.
Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior. You may notice subtle changes in their behavior that make you wonder if your spouse is displaying cheating husband guilt.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
A woman feels confused
We have already listed a few things a woman feels after being cheated on. There are others such as shame, fear, and anxiety. Put them all together, and it's a flood of emotions that can drive anyone crazy. It's hard to imagine how to trust after being cheated on by the person they love the most.
Depression. Here one feels the full impact of losing a trusted relationship. The affair erases everything the hurt partner believed. While the first three stages are more cognitive and solution-oriented, this stage is emotional and experience-oriented.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
People who have experienced infidelity report feeling betrayed, losing trust, rage, and damaged self-esteem. These are just some of the feelings a person can experience because of infidelity.
While some are willing and wanting to stay, others may consider walking away from a relationship after infidelity. Some reasons for this include a lack of interest, lack of commitment, interest in other people, and other indicators that show one or both partners are already checked out of the relationship or marriage.
The partner may bring up a lot of things from the past, point out how they have been completely faithful, or highlight the many other consequences of infidelity, and that's when the second wave of anger kicks in. This creates a whirl of anxiety and guilt after cheating, which results in anger.
Many couples go through the crisis of adultery, enter a honeymoon period to make things work and go back to the normal routine.