Stage 1: Idealization This is often referred to as the honeymoon stage. However, in narcissistic abuse cycles, this is considered idealization. The narcissist will put a partner on a pedestal and make them feel perfect or incapable of wrongdoing.
What is a narcissistic relationship abuse pattern? The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard.
Idealization. The first stage in a narcissistic relationship is “idealization” and is perhaps the most dangerous of them all. This is how they hook you! This phase always occurs right at the beginning of any relationship with a narcissist, and is where they will make you feel truly special.
One of the most common signs of a narcissist is a constant need for praise or admiration. People with this behavior need to feel validation from others and often brag or exaggerate their accomplishments for recognition. They also like to feel appreciated to boost their ego.
What is the narcissistic abuse cycle? It is a pattern of behavior that is often seen in relationships where one person has a narcissistic personality disorder. It typically consists of four phases: idealization, devaluation, discarding, and hoovering.
MD, MS. The narcissistic abuse cycle is a pattern of manipulation and calculated abuse the narcissist uses to confuse a partner and make them question their reality. The narcissist will start by idealizing the person, then devaluing them, before finally rejecting and discarding them.
Victims of narcissistic abuse develop coping mechanisms to survive. But once the abuse has ended, their coping mechanisms may turn maladaptive. Over-focusing on others' needs, failing to set boundaries, or doing anything in exchange for kindness may pave the way for maltreatment or abuse.
Early On Red Flags From a Covert Narcissist
This will present the following unique flags: Always plays the victim for sympathy. Seeks attention constantly. Steers conversations to be about themselves.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'”
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Often, NPD will begin in the teenage years or early adulthood. Personality disorders are typically diagnosed at 18 years or older, according to Hallett.
Mild: A mildly narcissistic person might be egotistical or boastful about their accomplishments but still function well in society.
Someone who has malignant narcissism has a very fragile sense of self. They are overly self-involved and have a very inflated sense of their abilities, which hides a profound vulnerability and shame. Their sense of self is fuelled by praise and compliments and yet threatened by criticism and negative feedback.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Final Thoughts on the Red Flags of a Narcissist
Narcissistic individuals often exhibit traits such as a lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, and an inflated sense of self-importance. It's essential to understand that dealing with a narcissist can be draining and challenging.
Understanding the condition better can help you manage your expectations and give yourself permission to prioritize your needs. While most people with NPD are not aware that they are narcissists, it's important to remember that no abuse is acceptable or excusable.
This point is taken from Malkin's book, Rethinking Narcissism, in which he describes the narcissist's “stealth control” as one red flag. In the early stages of a relationship, he may simply change up plans you've already made, substituting something else which he bills as “better” or more fun or glamorous.
Those who provide specialized support for narcissistic abuse recovery describe a cycle with three stages: idealize, devalue, and discard.
Beyond the desire to focus primarily on themselves and be held in high regard by virtually everyone in their lives, people with malignant narcissism tend to have a darker side to their self-absorption. These individuals can be highly manipulative and don't care who they hurt as long as they get their own way.
Narcissists all follow the same patterns — here are some of the most common phrases they use to manipulate you. Narcissists often follow the same pattern in relationships: idealize, devalue, discard.
Narcissists exploit those around them through gaslighting, sabotaging, love-bombing, lying, and twisting situations to suit their needs. As a result, victims can suffer long-term effects from their abuse.