Ellen Perkins wrote: "Without doubt, the number one most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a child is 'I don't love you' or 'you were a mistake'.
Hurting words slash at a child's self-confidence: "You're stupid." "What a slob!" "You're disgusting." "You're worthless." Helping words show you care and make a child feel worthwhile and secure: "You can do it." "Great job." "You're beautiful." "I'm proud of you."
The most common toxic behavior of parents is to criticize their child, express self-wishes, complain about the difficulties of raising a child, make unhealthy comparisons, and make hurtful statements1.
It is absolutely okay and encouraged to display emotions in front of your children. If you're sad, cry. If you're upset, be big mad.
Toxic parents create a negative and toxic home environment. They use fear, guilt, and humiliation as tools to get what they want and ensure compliance from their children. They are often neglectful, emotionally unavailable, and abusive in some cases. They put their own needs before the needs of their children.
A toxic mother creates a negative home environment where unhealthy interactions and relationships damage a child's sense of self and their views of relationships with others. Over time, it increases the risk of poor development in the child's self-control, emotional regulation, social relations, etc1.
Childhood traumatic stress occurs when violent or dangerous events overwhelm a child's or adolescent's ability to cope. Traumatic events may include: Neglect and psychological, physical, or sexual abuse. Natural disasters, terrorism, and community and school violence. Witnessing or experiencing intimate partner ...
Words are powerful weapons and can do a lot of damage. “ You're *#@! % stupid. ” “ I wish you were never born. ” “ No one is ever going to love you, you're so *#@! % fat and ugly. ” “ You never get anything right. ” “ You're worthless. ” These are mean and degrading things to say to someone.
Saying “Don't Cry!” Makes Life Harder For You
Their message is therefore likely to become louder and more persistent. By asking or telling them to “stop,” you're also telling your child that their emotions are invalid and unimportant.
It's been shown to have long-term effects, like anxiety, low self-esteem, and increased aggression. It also makes children more susceptible to bullying since their understanding of healthy boundaries and self-respect are skewed.
Traumatic experiences can initiate strong emotions and physical reactions that can persist long after the event. Children may feel terror, helplessness, or fear, as well as physiological reactions such as heart pounding, vomiting, or loss of bowel or bladder control.
Some of the common signs of a toxic parent or parents include: Highly negatively reactive. Toxic parents are emotionally out of control. They tend to dramatize even minor issues and see any possible slight as a reason to become hostile, angry, verbally abusive, or destructive.
Parental gaslighting is a subtle and covert form of emotional abuse. These parents manipulate to undermine the child's sense of reality and mental stability. Some well-meaning parents may gaslight their children in an attempt to protect them.
Urban Dictionary, the online home for slang words and phrases, defines unicorn mom as: "a mother who's not perfect, enjoys alcohol, has a sense of humor and couldn't care less what you think."
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Dragon mothers are mothers who grieve for children who have died or are terminally ill.
Self-soothing
Many parents begin to pause before responding, or allow children to cry during bedtime without running to their sides around this age to teach children to sleep on their own. Even using this method, many suggest that babies should not be allowed to cry for more than 10 minutes without your attention.
Ignoring is usually most effective for behaviors like whining, crying when nothing is physically wrong or hurting, and tantrums. These misbehaviors are often done for attention. If parents, friends, family, or other caregivers consistently ignore these behaviors, they will eventually stop.
Even at 3 months, an age when some babies could start sleeping for longer stretches, letting them cry it out isn't recommended. It's best to wait until your baby is at least 4 months old before attempting any form of sleep training, including the CIO method.