Callous and lack of empathy. Tendency towards risk-taking. Aggressiveness. Impulsivity.
Callous and lack of empathy. Tendency towards risk-taking. Aggressiveness. Impulsivity. Easily angered.
While opposites do attract, there are some similarities that keep the connection powerful. Priorities. Narcissists think of themselves first and very little of others; people pleasers think of others and very little of themselves. Both, however, believe that their way of prioritizing is right.
People-Pleasers Usually Act Superficially
That's why “people-pleaser” has its famously negative connotation. People-pleasers will do anything to obtain the validation of others; they'll do anything to feel validated. That includes acting in an insincere and, as we've seen, sometimes malicious manner.
People pleasing might seem harmless, but it can lead to serious health risks — both mental and physical — especially when taken to the extremes. First, people-pleasers rarely prioritize their own self-care.
People Pleasers spend so much time and effort in taking care of others. Unfortunately, they often do not establish good social support for themselves. They also find it hard to give up control and let other people take care of them. While taking care of others in noble and rewarding, it can also be toxic and unhealthy.
In most cases, people-pleasing behavior is motivated by insecurity and low self-esteem caused by trauma bonds in childhood. People who were neglected, mistreated, or abused by their caregivers tried to please them in the hope of receiving attention and better treatment.
Causes of people-pleasing
Low self-esteem: People who feel they are worth less than others may feel their needs are unimportant. They may advocate for themselves less or have less awareness of what they want. They may also feel that they have no purpose if they cannot help others.
People who like to please are frequently drawn to people who like to control others. Pleasers have certain personality characteristics that are developed in childhood. They are often perfectionists who were influenced by very demanding parental expectations and/or criticism.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
People pleasing is a form of manipulation. You're so afraid of someone being mad at you, you'll say or do anything so they're not. You're manipulating what they think of you. You must be willing to tell the truth and to be your full self if you ever want to be happy and free.
People-pleasers are often extremely empathic and attuned to others' needs. A people-pleaser therefore tends to pursue intimate, affectionate, and confiding relationships. These people have a strong desire for external validation and avoid, or are sensitive to, situations where conflict may arise.
Cons of People Pleasing
They are prone to be exploited and manipulated by others. They assume others will do the same for them and experience disappointment and resentment when this is not the case. Mental fatigue and burnout occur due to working too hard and constantly assessing the needs and opinions of others.
People pleasing isn't a mental illness, but it can be an issue that adversely affects how many people, with or without mental illness, relate to others. Most of all, people pleasers try to nourish other people without adequately nourishing themselves.
People-pleasers strive to keep the peace and avoid conflict at all costs, often at their own expense. Fairly empathic, people-pleasers frequently place other people's needs first and are sometimes exploited due to this tendency.
Just start putting up boundaries that will allow you to first take care of your needs before turning focus to others. This isn't a selfish view point. Actually, being a people-pleaser is selfish because you're doing what's easiest and cheating people from receiving your valuable, true thoughts and reactions.
Nicole LePera, a psychologist and a social media influencer, people-pleasing is a result of childhood emotional neglect. Taking to Instagram, she explains, "When children are emotionally neglected, they unconsciously abandon their sense of self in order to maintain their relationship with the parent figure."
A fourth, less discussed, response to trauma is called fawning, or people-pleasing. The fawn response is a coping mechanism in which individuals develop people-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict, pacify their abusers, and create a sense of safety.
Understand Each Other's Needs
Getting your needs met with an outside people pleaser requires compromise. And since the people pleaser has many highly desirable qualities; it's important to keep them happy, too. Make sure there's a balance of personal-time, family-time, and couple-time built into your weekly schedules.
People pleasers tend to do anything possible to avoid conflict, even if it means turning into an entirely different person. Your worth depends on how others see you. People pleasers need validation from others to feel good about themselves. They can go to extremes to earn words of praise from others.
“When you're dating a people pleaser, you may find that they don't want to take any responsibility for decisions or parttake in decision-making processes alone,” says Ryan. “This can be due to fear of getting it wrong, not pleasing the other person or ultimately rejection if they don't quite get the planning 'right'.”