Children who grow up in narcissistic family dynamic struggle with low self-esteem/confidence, indecisiveness, need external validation, experience poor relationships, especially romantic, in adulthood, and are unable to recognize and meet their own emotional needs(1).
Having a parent with a personality disorder like narcissism is particularly harmful for a child, and increases the risk of them developing a personality disorder or mental health concern themselves. These children often end up parentified, insecure, and struggle to make healthy attachments with others.
The cruelty and abuse of the narcissistic parent are nothing short of traumatic. Being exposed to endless self centered behavior can trap you in exhaustion, and the manipulation and lack of insight, which is a common narcissistic feature, can wear you to the bone.
Narcissistic parents are often emotionally abusive to their children, holding them to impossible and constantly changing expectations. Those with narcissistic personality disorder are highly sensitive and defensive. They tend to lack self-awareness and empathy for other people, including their own children.
The most effective weapon to fend off a narcissist is self-love. Narcissists do not want to feel like you don't need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
Parents who are high in narcissism tend to assign roles to their children including "golden child," "scapegoat," and "lost child." A narcissist's "lost child" may be physically and emotionally neglected.
Take a deep breath, for you are about to plunge into the murky depths of a complex psychiatric condition known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD.
They grow up feeling responsible for their parent's needs, have a difficult time forming healthy boundaries, and work hard to please others at their own expense. Being valued more for what they do than who they are, children of narcissistic parents lack healthy self-images.
Narcissistic parents cause enormous harm to their children. When grown, these victims of narcissistic abuse face seemingly insurmountable problems, including the formation of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).
Elderly narcissistic mothers become even more emotionally abusive, making their daughters feel unheard, criticized and even shamed for not living up to her standards. This can create a nightmare of an environment for victimized daughters, who often find it difficult to stand up for themselves.
A golden child's sense of self and their personal boundaries are erased, as their own sense of identity is replaced with the need to live up to their role. Their behaviors and beliefs reflect what their parent expects of them, and they may feel incapable of individuation even in adulthood.
There are five common themes often seen in narcissistic families : the neutral sibling, the needy sibling, flying monkeys, the withdrawn sibling, and pseudomutuality.
In the dysfunctional narcissistic family system, the golden child is the most likely to develop a narcissistic personality.
Functions of the scapegoat child's role
The child faces rejection because they are accused of being what the narcissistic parent rejects in themselves. In fact the narcissistic parent will refuse to know this child in any other way. Now the child stomachs their feelings of hurt and anger at the parent's cruelty.
Since the scapegoat child is only tolerated when they bear the faults of the parent with NPD, they can grow up with a distorted view of relationships and love as only conditional or transactional. Gravitating toward partners with narcissistic behaviors.
The golden child is expected to be extraordinary at everything, not make mistakes, and essentially be “perfect.” Golden children are usually raised by narcissistic parents who are controlling and authoritarian.
You see, not only will a narcissist subject their children to all the usual abusive behaviours that they subject everyone else to, but at the same time, they view their children as extensions of themselves; as not being separate from them.
They Are Manipulative & Exploitative
Narcissistic parents often manipulate their kids to fulfill selfish desires or aspirations. Their love is conditional, and they frequently use narcissistic manipulation tactics, such as blaming, guilt-tripping, or setting unreasonable expectations, to control their children.
People with NPD have a grandiose sense of self. They typically feel like they're important — and often more important than others. They commonly seek out attention and aim to be the center of everyone's attention, often putting themselves before others. But at its core, NPD is defined by a lack of empathy for others.