A family scapegoat is a kind of family projection that occurs when a person places responsibility for unresolved problems on a child, sibling, or another family member.
Effects of Being a Scapegoat
Trauma: Being deprived of a family's love, singled out as the “bad one” in the household, and having one's positive attributes overlooked can set up a child for a lifetime of emotional and psychological distress, where they struggle believing they are good, worthy, competent, or likable.
A medical definition of scapegoating is: Process in which the mechanisms of projection or displacement are used in focusing feelings of aggression, hostility, frustration, etc., upon another individual or group; the amount of blame being unwarranted.
The Lost Child
They attempt to stay out of the dysfunctional picture as much as possible by staying quiet, on their own and fending for themselves as much as possible. Their needs are going unmet anyway.
The Hero may identify as the Lost Child if they feel the rest of the family does not acknowledge their achievements. Sometimes the Lost Child plays the role of Scapegoat, disappearing from the family's radar until they become entangled in a family dispute against their will.
Introduction. Victimized children growing up in a dysfunctional family are innocent and have absolutely no control over their toxic life environment; they grew up with multiple emotional scarring caused by repeated trauma and pain from their parents' actions, words, and attitudes.
They see themselves as dispossessed of their own expanding capabilities. They believe that they cannot do anything right. A scapegoat child who believes their growth is dangerous will also disavow it. Their increased physical strength could make them hurt other people.
Scapegoated children are at risk of becoming adults who lack a true sense of their identity, their value as people, or a blueprint for healthy relationships. Targets can be further undermined by feelings of disinterest in, rather than attraction to, psychologically sound relationships as they seem boring.
Scapegoating is a practice commonly employed by people who display traits of narcissism, often taking the form of bullying. In cases like these, the person may be even more aggressive about the behavior in an attempt to make the other person feel small or powerless.
For individuals, scapegoating is a psychological defense mechanism of denial through projecting responsibility and blame on others. [2] It allows the perpetrator to eliminate negative feelings about him or herself and provides a sense of gratification.
Healing from shame requires a high level of awareness when the Inner Scapegoat has been activated – challenging negative and self-punitive beliefs, and truthfully reframing victimizing experiences. Scapegoats must consistently stand up to the idea that they are bad or unlovable. This will likely take a lot of practice.
For example, a woman who has just had a fight with her boyfriend may kick her dog for minor misbehavior when she comes home. The dog, in this instance, becomes the scapegoat and pays the price for the fight she had with her boyfriend.
A family scapegoat is a person who takes on the role of 'black sheep' or 'problem child' in their family and gets shamed, blamed, and criticized for things that go wrong within the family unit, even when these things are entirely outside of their control.
When a scapegoat leaves a family, the family that they left will try to manipulate them back into the family structure so they can continue to use them as a repository for their negative emotions and the scapegoat will experience a ton of confusing negative emotions about leaving.
With the scapegoat gone, the family may be forced to confront these underlying problems. The narcissistic parent may struggle to find a new outlet for their anger and frustration, and the other family members may feel disoriented without the scapegoat to shoulder the blame for the family's issues.
Scapegoats often have trouble feeling safe in relationships – especially intimate relationships – due to the massive betrayal of trust in their family. They can also have challenges managing emotions, and find they either feel overwhelmed and anxious, or shut down and not know how they are feeling.
Suddenly, the golden child may take over the scapegoat's role. But usually the narcissist continues to blame, complain, and insult the scapegoat. They often talk about the scapegoat incessantly, even if they have been out of the home for years. Any present issue can be traced back to the scapegoat.
The scapegoat was sent into the wilderness for Azazel, possibly for the purpose of placating that evil spirit, while a separate goat was slain as an offering to God. By extension, a scapegoat has come to mean any group or individual that innocently bears the blame of others.
More often than not, the scapegoat is the person perceived to be the most vulnerable in the family or group. Now, this has nothing to do with physical strength. This is all about mental and emotional duress.
The Golden Child vs The Scapegoat. Narcissistic parents project different parts of themselves onto their children. They use the golden child to project their unfulfilled dreams and ambitions, while the scapegoat is a receptacle for their shame, self-loathing, and insecurities.
Black addresses three major rules that exist within families when someone has a chemical dependency; don't talk, don't trust, and don't feel. Children can be silenced overtly or passively. As keen observers, children quickly learn how to repress their emotions by witnessing the actions of the adults in their lives.
Stuck emotions can have long-term effects on your mental and physical health. Dysfunctional families stay dysfunctional by perpetuating the don't talk, don't trust, and don't feel rule.
Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of two adults, one typically overtly abusive and the other codependent, and may also be affected by substance abuse or other forms of addiction, or sometimes by an untreated mental illness.
Studies have shown that the scapegoat does better in life than the “golden child”. Because they have had to fend for themselves most of their life, and haven't been spoiled like the golden child has. The scapegoat is forced to be more independent, and think for themselves, and be stronger.