Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which a person or group causes someone to question their own sanity, memories, or perception of reality. People who experience gaslighting may feel confused, anxious, or as though they cannot trust themselves.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion. Last week we looked at the straight-up lie and reality manipulation. This week we are going to focus on scapegoating and coercion.
If someone says, "You know I only do it because I love you," or, "Believe me, this is for the best," when doing something you perceive as abusive, controlling, or wrong, they are probably gaslighting you.
Typically, someone denying your feelings, an objective reality you clearly recall, or reality that is unambiguous (e.g., whether they hit you or not) may be gaslighting, while differences in subtler details of memories might simply be attributable to differences in recollection.
You often feel unsure about how you really feel. You feel like your emotions or opinions are not important. The flattery you receive feels disingenuous or manipulative. If you recognize these behaviors and warning signs, it's likely you are a victim of gaslighting.
Many people see gaslighting as a form of emotional abuse. If you find yourself questioning your reality, feeling a heightened level of anxiety, and always apologizing, you just may be a victime of this. This can lead you to question your worth and have trouble making decisions. Trust your gut if something feels wrong.
Perhaps the most damaging form of gaslighting, reality manipulation is what most people imagine when they think of gaslighting. In the film “Gas Light,” the husband uses reality manipulation to try to convince his wife that she is losing her mind.
A genuine apology involves taking responsibility for one's actions and expressing remorse for the harm that was caused. A gaslighter who is truly sorry for their behavior will acknowledge the impact of their words or actions on the person they have hurt and will make an effort to change their behavior in the future.
“Gaslighters have two signature moves,” she wrote. “They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.” They spread gossip, they take credit for other people's work, and they undercut others in furtherance of their own position.
Those experiencing gaslighting may often feel confused about their version of reality, experience anxiety, or be unable to trust themselves. Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that undermines an individual's perception of reality, causing them to doubt their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
One main way people gaslight is by shifting blame to another person in order to avoid accountability, which is also known as deflection. For example, Spinelli says a gaslighting parent might blame their child for their own mistakes, or an abusive partner could somehow blame the victim for the abuse.
Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
Certain mental health conditions such as narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder lend themselves to gaslighting as those illnesses give people a distorted view of themselves and others and a propensity toward manipulating others for their own ends by any means necessary, as well as never ...
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
Gaslighters have fragile egos and low self-esteem, so use your own inner strength to keep the balance of power in your favor.
The term “gaslighting” originates in a British play-turned film from the 1930s. The play was called “Gas Light” and the plot is about a husband who mentally and emotionally manipulates his wife into believing she is crazy by changing the intensity of the gas lamps within their home.
Narcissistic gaslighting examples of this tactic include suggesting you're “confused,” “mixed up” or “misremembering.” Alternatively, they may take the opposite approach, saying something like, “I have no memory of that” or, “I don't know what you're talking about.”
The long-term effects of gaslighting often result in the victim believing they have a mental health disorder. This is then likely to have a real impact on their mental health. Feelings of anxiety could get worse over time. Dependency on their abuser might lead to feelings of isolation from friends and family.