The two biggest reasons women cheat, says sex researcher Debby Herbenick, Ph. D., are that they feel undesired or unattractive, especially as they become older. Sex is one way to fix it, but another is to appreciate her for who she is, not who you want her to be.
Experts say the three main reasons women cheat are: lack of love for primary partner, desire for sexual variety and situational factors (like being drunk or on vacation).
Why do people cheat? A wide variety of factors can bring out some type of affair. A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance.
The Reasoning
There are many reasons people cheat, but according to Campbell, they usually fall into three categories: individual, relationship, and situational.
The workplace. The workplace is where most affairs begin. It doesn't hurt that we usually dress nicely and are on “good behavior” at work. Plus, having shared passions about projects (or mutual annoyance at a boss or co-worker) provides the perfect breeding ground for an affair.
Research from the past two decades shows that between 20 and 25 percent of married men cheat and between 10 and 15 percent of married women cheat, according to professor Nicholas Wolfinger.
In surveys of individuals who have cheated, falling out of love, seeking variety, and feeling neglected were the most commonly cited reasons, followed by situational forces, a desire to raise self-esteem, and anger with a partner.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
According to the General Social Survey, men are more likely to cheat than women, with 20% of men and 13% of women reporting having sex with someone other than their partner while still married.
According to research, men cheat more than women. The General Social Survey, one of the most influential studies in social sciences, found that, in 2018 and 2019, 20 percent of men admitted to having sex with someone other than their spouse while they were married, compared to 13 percent of women.
The Progression of Infidelity
For one person, it may be micro-cheating that turns into emotional infidelity, followed by physical infidelity. For another, digital infidelity may turn into physical infidelity. Someone who habitually cheats may go through different stages with each partner outside of the relationship.
Cheating behavior may look like not showing any interest in responding to messages, or simply falling off the radar. Another sign could be that she may avoid any conversations regarding her whereabouts and make up stories that do not “add up.”
Researchers found that both men and women could easily tell when a man was a cheater, but men struggled to recognize when a woman was unfaithful. So, statistically, there's a good chance you have no idea if you're being cheated on.
Strong partners
Most cheaters are afraid of being alone. Contradictory by nature, a cheating mate is actually terrified of his or her partner leaving. A strong spouse who is willing to walk away and have a life outside of the relationship is a scary scenario for an adulterer.
Infidelity isn't limited to texting. Cheaters will often use laptops and tablets, and even hidden apps, to communicate with a paramour.
Cheating is often an outlet for frustration and unsolved troubles in the relationship. When people think that they're not getting anywhere with their partner, they try to avoid conflict and cheat as a way to escape their troubles with their existing partner.
There are consistent associations between infidelity and each of the Big 5 traits. For example, people who cheat in romantic relationships score higher on Neuroticism, Openness to Experience, and Extraversion. They score lower on Agreeableness and Conscientiousness.
Sometimes compulsive behavior stems from mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and OCD. Research shows that antidepressants may help reduce some of the obsessions and compulsions associated with cheating behavior. Keep in mind that medications alone rarely change behavior.
Among married couples, national surveys show that 15% of women and 25% of married men have cheated on their spouses.
Affairs occur for a multitude of reasons. Some people try to pinpoint one reason: It's a symptom of something lacking in the marriage; it's a mid-life crisis; it's narcissism; it's sex addiction; it's an exit affair, etc.
Sometimes cheaters are reenacting or latently responding to unresolved childhood traumas—neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, etc. Basically, their childhood wounds have created attachment deficits that manifest through infidelity.