For a borderline, love can be a high and a low like nothing else. It can be addictive and devastating if not kept in constant check. When I meet someone I'm instantly attracted to, I want to wrap myself in them. I want to have them close to me so I can feel that surge of chemicals that makes the human brain feel good.
At the end of the day, people with BPD can fall in love; it just takes some work from both sides of the relationship. Treatment is the first step — options may include: Individual and couple's therapy. Medication.
' However, it is more helpful to understand what it feels like for people affected by BPD. When they become close to someone they consider special or significant, they start to worry that somehow they will be rejected or abandoned. They usually don't feel safe or secure in the relationship.
People with BPD have a lot of difficulty in relationships, but that doesn't mean they're incapable of love. Unstable emotions often lead to unstable relationships, while black-and-white thinking may make a person with BPD push people away when there is evidence their partner has flaws.
But maybe being with someone with BPD is not all bad. Many people with borderline personality disorder are intuitive, empathetic, passionate, spontaneous, resilient, creative, curious, intense, intelligent, and courageous. When not triggered, they can love deeply and commit to their partner and family.
Most people with BPD struggle with low self-esteem. To cope with their feelings, they seek validation from others. They may have legitimate feelings for you and believe that exaggerated displays of affection are the best way to keep you close.
In fact, the experience may be magnified. People with BPD often report that at the beginning of a new romantic relationship, they put their new partner "on a pedestal." They may feel as though they have found their perfect match—a soulmate who will rescue them from their emotional pain.
Physical touch can be interpreted as a sign of intimacy and closeness. For someone with BPD, who struggles with a fear of abandonment, touch might stir up feelings of vulnerability and fear, leading to avoiding physical contact.
People with BPD feel firmly attached to their favorite person and may depend on them for comfort, reassurance, and guidance. In many cases, someone with BPD may rely entirely on their favorite person. As a result, they may idealize them and expect them to always be available.
A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
If someone you love has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), you know that this disorder affects everyone around the patient as well. The relationship with your loved one may feel plagued by conflict and unstable at times. You may feel like you need to walk on eggshells to avoid a major outburst.
In extreme cases, physical, verbal, or emotional abuse may occur. This can make dating someone with BPD challenging. It is important to remember that while having a relationship with a person with BPD can be challenging, they are not intentionally trying to hurt you.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem.
BPD relationships can be difficult to manage, especially when a dysfunctional pattern called a BPD cycle surfaces. This usually begins with idealization or the “honeymoon phase,” where the BPD partner has you on a pedestal and believes you will never do anything wrong.
People with BPD may not have a consistent self-image or sense of self. This may worsen obsessive tendencies, since they may find it difficult to see themselves as real or worthy individually, separate from their relationships.
Another hallmark of borderline personality disorder is having a favorite person—usually a family member, romantic partner, or someone in a supportive role, such as a teacher or coach. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
If one of your loved ones has symptoms of BPD you probably often think to yourself, “how can they act this way or speak this way towards me if they care about my feelings?” And you are right; they can't care about your feelings if they don't understand what you feel.
Myth #5: People with BPD are unsuitable for intimate relationships. Fact: People with BPD have many positive things to contribute to fulfilling relationships. When trust and love has developed within a relationship, people with BPD can show high loyalty and trustworthiness.
Treating Borderline Personality Disorder
Not only is BPD one of the most painful mental illnesses, but it's also intensified by stigma and being misunderstood by others. Fortunately, borderline personality disorder is a treatable condition, and the pain doesn't have to be endless.
Results found in a 2014 study found the average length of a BPD relationship between those who either married or living together as partners was 7.3 years. However, there are cases where couples can stay together for 20+ years.
BPD Triggers Loneliness and Isolation
It may spring from your fear of being rejected or abandoned. This fear can make you feel lonely, even when you have a partner or loving family. Also typical with borderline personality is co-occurring mental illness. One of the most common is depression.