It may stem from an unwillingness or an inability to connect with others. There are two general types. In some cases, you may develop
Emotionally unavailable partners often choose physical intimacy over emotional intimacy so as to not have to deal with the messiness, seriousness, or complications that emotions can bring into a relationship.
There are no guarantees that an emotionally unavailable man will commit to a longer and stronger relationship with you no matter how hard you try. Bear this in mind so that you would know the best time to cut your losses and move on with your life.
The main trait that both emotionally unavailable men and women share is their fear of being controlled, especially in a relationship. For men in particular, a consuming fear is “losing” themselves in a relationship.
An emotionally unavailable man can fall in love, but it would take longer than someone who has their emotions in check. The reason is not far-fetched because he wants to be sure that he's not committing his emotions into the hands of someone that would break his trust.
Emotionally unavailable people can certainly fall in love. They just might have a harder time recognizing when it happens and putting their feelings into words. Remember, emotional unavailability often stems from a deeper fear of intimacy or rejection — fears that can complicate someone's experiences with love.
Emotional detachment can occur in relationships as well. Periods of disconnect are common in relationships and usually resolve once both partners are in a place to reconnect.
Detached love doesn't mean you don't want to be deeply connected and connected for a long time; it means that while you're connected you choose to allow the beloved to fully be themselves without expectations about the outcome of your relationship.
They avoid commitment
Fear of commitment and fear of getting too close are two common signs of emotional unavailability in men and women. Emotionally unavailable partners might prefer having casual relationships with multiple people or may end relationships if things are getting “too serious.”
Most of the time no contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman works because it gives them the space and the time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions.
Have a conversation with your partner and make sure they understand that their emotional unavailability is a problem for you. Confirm that they are willing to do something about it. Make sure that they understand that they need to take responsibility for making a concerted effort to reach out to you.
Focus on your own feelings
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
Poor Listening Skills. Poor Self-Esteem. Rough Relationship Experiences in the Past. Experiencing Emotional Abuse and Neglect.
Signs of fear of intimacy may include: avoiding physical/sexual contact or having an insatiable sexual appetite, difficulty with commitment, history of unstable relationships, low self-esteem, bouts of anger, isolation, difficulty forming close relationships, difficulty sharing feelings, difficulty showing emotion, and ...
Being with an emotionally unavailable man is a daily struggle, but whether he breaks it off or you do, he can still miss being with you. When you are in the relationship, it seems he doesn't care enough to work on it – leaving you holding the emotional reins for both of you.
He's emotionally unavailable
Since he's experiencing difficulties understanding what he's feeling, he'll retreat from the situation because this can be a very confusing experience for him. Due to this struggle, he'll pull away, act hot and cold, or not display much affection when things start going well.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
Being emotionally unavailable describes someone who is not open to discussing or sharing their feelings. They can be evasive, flaky, or hard to read. "They're scared of intimacy," explains licensed couples therapist Brooke Sprowl, LCSW, CNTS.
Jealousy is about a lot of things, including insecurity, immaturity, and fear. Emotionally unavailable men may experience jealousy more intensely because they bottle up their feelings.
Emotionally unavailable people expect closeness, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability to lead to getting hurt, so they often avoid getting emotional entirely. Your efforts to elicit emotions from them may lead them to pull away or redirect conversations back to you.
If you often feel lonely or disconnected in a relationship, you may be experiencing emotional detachment. If your partner does not share their worries with you, is not affected by your emotions, or seems apathetic during an argument, they may be emotionally detached.