Monogamy is a relationship with only one partner at a time, rather than multiple partners. A monogamous relationship can be sexual or emotional, but it's usually both. Many modern relationships are monogamous. But even if they want to be with just one partner, some people have trouble staying monogamous.
Humans are now mostly monogamous, but this has been the norm for just the past 1,000 years. Scientists at University College London believe monogamy emerged so males could protect their infants from other males in ancestral groups who may kill them in order to mate with their mothers.
Both types of sexual behaviour exist in all of us. As humans, we can be monogamous and we can be promiscuous or polygamous, or anything else. Each of these behaviours has its own costs, though. And it's important to consider that the costs are often different based on whether you're a man or a woman.
Recent discoveries have led biologists to talk about the three varieties of monogamy: social monogamy, sexual monogamy, and genetic monogamy. The distinction between these three are important to the modern understanding of monogamy.
Just like you can be committed to multiple friendships, you can be committed to multiple romantic relationships as well — and there's nothing wrong with being single, whether you identify as monogamous or not!
* You need to feel connected with multiple people
If you find yourself wanting to be intrigued by the idea of having multiple relationships (in any capacity whether it's casual sexual partners in addition to your main squeeze, or being a part of a throuple), then this is a sign that monogamy is not for you.
1. Our romantic drives are loosely coupled networks. Probably the biggest factor in why it is hard to remain monogamous is that there are several drives built into us that contribute to reproduction, but they do not work in unison.
Toxic monogamy, as defined by Hillary Berry in her article “Toxic Monogamy Culture,” refers to “monogamy as a cultural institution [that] has been interpreted and practiced in ways that are unhealthy.” These ideas are often romanticized or perpetuated in media, cultural norms, and social expectations.
Monogamy, after all, does not come naturally; it is not the norm unless a society enforces it as such. There are immense benefits to doing so. But it is unclear how well we humans can achieve this aim in the present environment.
Monogamy is an intrinsically unstable mating strategy. Benefits include the (relative) certainty of access to the partner's reproductive potential, but the chief disadvantage is that access to other potential partners is strongly diminished, particularly in those cases where males exhibit strong mate-guarding behavior.
Just like monogamous relationships, non-monogamous relationships can be happy and satisfying, and last just as long. And just like monogamous relationships they can difficult and challenging. But being in a non-monogamous relationship doesn't mean you are any more likely to be unhealthy or unhappy.
If we mean realistic for the species of humans, then the answer clearly is yes. In various cultures around the world people are able to engage in lifelong monogamous relationships.
In essence, men are only socially monogamous rather than genetically monogamous.
The benefits of monogamy include increased certainty of paternity and access to the entire reproductive potential of at least one female (Schuiling, 2003) , reduction in infanticide (Opie et al., 2013) and greater survival of offspring due to higher parental investment (Geary, 2000).
Both monogamy and nonmonogamy can yield healthy, happy relationships for those involved. It's just a matter of personal desires, needs, and preferences.
Instead, biological indicators suggest a mating system where both sexes form a long-term pairbond with a single partner (Møller, 2003). And while polygyny was likely present in the human past, as it is across contemporary human societies, the weight of evidence seems to support social monogamy.
So, from the perspective of evolutionary psychology, monogamy is natural because fathering is natural in the human species and fathering only evolves with sufficient sexual exclusivity to allow for paternity certainty for men and sufficient resource provision certainty for women.
Balance of evidence indicates we are biologically inclined towards monogamy. Science has yet to definitively pronounce on whether humans are naturally monogamous (lifelong male-female breeding pair) or polygamous (single male breeding with more than one female).
“The human mating system is extremely flexible,” Bernard Chapais of the University of Montreal wrote in a recent review in Evolutionary Anthropology. Only 17 percent of human cultures are strictly monogamous.
Monogamous or not, breaking down monogamy into its different types: physical monogamy, social monogamy, financial monogamy, emotional monogamy, and activity monogamy, can help you more clearly and overtly define the boundaries within your relationship.
As long as the relationship is ethical, considerate, and considerate, being monogamous is not selfish. If couples are accepting and open-minded, there isn't a wrong or selfish relationship. Put simply, you shouldn't worry too much about what others think and focus on discovering your truth.
Toxic monogamy displays signs of codependency which manifests in ways that have invariably toxic outcomes. However, it's very hard to identify as it is romanticised and sent out as a narrative of “true limitless love” instead of being seen as the problematic behaviour that it is.
Consider a compromise.
For example, if a partner wants to be monogamous because they are afraid of being left behind, can the couple explore non-monogamy together by either dating together or attending sex parties? This allows both members of the couple to be involved in the process without leaving anyone out.
No, it is an alternate way of life. Polyamory is neither a mental illness nor a personality disorder. A study was conducted with around 1093 polyamorous individuals measuring the various criteria like need fulfillment, relationship satisfaction, and commitment for two ongoing romantic relationships.
This means that of all marriages, 58 per cent are monogamous. Only men in the top 10 per cent of status married more than two women. The most wives that anyone has is four.