They will begin subtly and covertly putting you down to devalue you. The motivation of the narcissist is to make you feel weak and powerless – so as to gain control over you. They are deeply insecure people and here they will be projecting the devaluation of and feelings about themselves onto you.
Devaluation is a sign that the Narc is bored and is potentially seeking other supply but also that they are confirming that they have you within their grasp and that they can now control you. Devaluation starts because their perfect imaginary vision of you is no longer perfect.
The “devaluation” phase refers to the narcissist skillfully destroying their victim's self-esteem and sense of self to increase the power they have over them. This loss of self makes the victim feel as though they have no other option but to stay with the narcissist.
After the honeymoon, you typically move into the devaluation phase. During this phase, the narcissist begins to gradually start criticizing you or deriding you. Because this change is gradual, you might not notice this behavior until weeks or even months after it's started.
Narcissists often come back in order to maintain control over you. Particularly the first time it happens, a temporary discard often acts as a tactic to devalue you and demonstrate that they don't need you.
They want to see how much they can destroy you
Narcissists thrive on chaos, so they do not act out of jealousy, as that would imply they want your relationships, career, wealth, or health for themselves. Rather, they just don't want to see other people happy.
Let's cut to the chase. A narcissist will ALWAYS devalue you regardless of how well you treat them. Many will discard you.
To stop a narcissist from devaluing you, you must restrain yourself from engaging in meaningful interactions with them to protect yourself from their manipulation tactics and you have to fortify your sense of self by reconnecting with your core values and practicing daily affirmations.
The devaluation phase is when a narcissist stops portraying themselves as perfect, healthy, admirable, and desirable and begins to show their true self through a variety of pervasive narcissistic behavior patterns that are designed to invalidate, devalue, degrade, dehumanize, minimize, and manipulate their victims.
If you are in the devaluation stage with them, start reacting calmly or walking away to what they do. If you are in the discard phase, stop trying to contact them. Ponder why they discarded you and take note of how they trap you in this pattern.
For the person on the receiving end, someone experiencing a narcissistic collapse may look out of control, extremely angry, and vindictive. In some cases, it may look like someone withdrawing altogether and giving them the silent treatment.
The narcissist will choose to discard you when they have another option waiting in the wings. If you notice that they are talking more to other people, or they are spending more time out of the house then this might be evidence that a new supply has arrived. The second sign is affection stops.
The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard. In this cycle, a narcissistic partner may love-bomb you, devalue your sense of self over time, repeat the pattern, and eventually, discard you and/or the relationship.
They Face a Setback, Disappointment, or Conflict
A narcissist can become easily enraged if a setback occurs in their life, job, or relationship. Not getting their way results in both a loss of control and a bruised ego.
Discard/Rejection: When the narcissist gets bored or decides the person is no longer useful enough to them, they'll often end the relationship and 'discard' the person. Sometimes, this ending is final. Other times, a narcissist will use hoovering to lure the person back into the relationship and repeat the cycle.
React with empathy and respect.
A narcissist thrives on conflict, and will take control of the conversation as soon as you get defensive or try to fight back. Instead, you can take control by making empathetic statements about the situation, which will help the narcissist calm down.
The devaluation stage is a two-sided process. There are two types of people: narcissists and non-narcissists. The length of this interval is determined by both parties. It can last anywhere from a single day to several years or even longer.
Grooming a person, manipulating her into doubting her feelings, generating shame regarding her best qualities, and manipulatively creating dependency are four ways a narcissist destroys a person from the inside out.
The most effective weapon to fend off narcissists is self-love. When you love yourself, it is more difficult for the narcissist to manipulate you and get under your skin. It will hurt them to know that you do not need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
A sense of entitlement might also lead someone with narcissistic personality to think anything they do for you is just the greatest. If they feel they don't get enough praise and recognition for this action, they might act like the victim: “I can't believe you act this way after all I've done for you!”