Children of narcissistic parents often struggle with mood disorders, self-blaming tendencies, shame, and low self-esteem. The effects of narcissistic parenting can also contribute to relational and emotional regulation difficulties.
A person with NPD can cause their partner and/or children to feel shamed, belittled and ignored and it can have serious effects on self-worth and self-esteem. A person who grows up with a parent with NPD may develop Complex PTSD, addictions, a panic disorder, anxiety or depression, amongst other outcomes.
Children who grow up with narcissistic parents often become very manipulative as adults because they learn narcissistic traits from their parents. They may find themselves lying to get what they want or making empty promises for someone else to do something for them.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
A golden child's sense of self and their personal boundaries are erased, as their own sense of identity is replaced with the need to live up to their role. Their behaviors and beliefs reflect what their parent expects of them, and they may feel incapable of individuation even in adulthood.
Parents who are high in narcissism tend to assign roles to their children including "golden child," "scapegoat," and "lost child." A narcissist's "lost child" may be physically and emotionally neglected.
Since the scapegoat child is only tolerated when they bear the faults of the parent with NPD, they can grow up with a distorted view of relationships and love as only conditional or transactional. Gravitating toward partners with narcissistic behaviors.
Narcissistic Parents and the Formation of CPTSD
It is not hard to see why children of narcissistic parents often form complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). These kids are subjected to repeated and horrific abuse at the hands of people they should be able to count on for their care.
Signs and symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome
Long-term abuse can change a victim's brain, resulting in cognitive decline and memory loss. In turn, the changes in the brain can increase the risk for chronic stress, PTSD, and symptoms of self-sabotage.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
They suffer from a persistent sense of self-doubt.
Many of the adult children of narcissists surveyed reported second-guessing themselves, their experiences, and their choices. Chronic gaslighting in childhood leads to perpetual self-doubt in adulthood.
Narcissistic mothers often use shame, gaslighting, dismissal and manipulation in order to get their own needs met, which can leave their daughters feeling like their mother's behaviors were their fault.
Most recent theories have focused on the link between narcissism and negative childhood experiences, such as physical or sexual violence, neglect, or rejection [10,11].
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naïve to the damage she is causing.
The narcissistic mother sees her golden child son as her savior who will rescue her from all her problems. He fills the gaping wound left by her own father. She expects her golden child son to take care of her for the rest of her life.
The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard. In this cycle, a narcissistic partner may love-bomb you, devalue your sense of self over time, repeat the pattern, and eventually, discard you and/or the relationship.
Even after the toxic relationship has ended, victims suffer PTSD, C-PTSD, panic attacks, phobias, and more due to the triggering of their primal fears by their overactive amygdalae. Out of these fears, targets of narcissistic abuse often engage in primitive defense mechanisms including (but not limited to):
The scapegoat is someone who must embody what the narcissistic parent cannot stand in themselves. By “finding” what they hate in themselves to be in the scapegoat child, the parent feels protected; this is the role of the scapegoat child.
In most cases, those who have been raised in narcissistic families will have a history of complex trauma. Survivors will have trauma symptoms such as hyper-vigilance and emotional flashbacks. But those who have suffered narcissistic parenting will also have ongoing issues with identity and self-definition.
Golden child syndrome, or being a “golden child,” is a term typically used by family, and most often by parents, to refer to a child in the family that's regarded as exceptional in some way. The golden child is expected to be extraordinary at everything, not make mistakes, and essentially be “perfect.”
Their children are not immune from being at the receiving end of the narcissist's cycle of 'idealise and devalue', where they are alternately lovebombed, (showered with praise and attention), and then subtly devalued, criticised, withdrawn from and put down.
Golden child
The narcissist will seek out a child to mould in their own image. This is usually the oldest child but can be the second.