Research suggests that even as your body transitions into unconsciousness, it's possible that you'll still be able to feel comforting touches from your loved ones and hear them speaking. Touch and hearing are the last senses to go when we die.
The last days or hours of a person's life are sometimes called the terminal phase. This is when someone is "actively dying". Everyone's experience of dying is different, and some people will die suddenly or unexpectedly.
For some people, the dying process may last weeks; for others, it may last a few days or hours.
Many people lose consciousness near the end of life. But they may still have some awareness of other people in the room. They may be able to hear what's being said or feel someone holding their hand.
Visions and Hallucinations
Visual or auditory hallucinations are often part of the dying experience. The appearance of family members or loved ones who have died is common. These visions are considered normal. The dying may turn their focus to “another world” and talk to people or see things that others do not see.
End of life care should begin when you need it and may last a few days or months, or sometimes more than a year. People in lots of different situations can benefit from end of life care. Some of them may be expected to die within the next few hours or days. Others receive end of life care over many months.
Terminal restlessness generally occurs in the last few days of life. Around 42 percent of hospice patients experience agitation during their final 48 hours. But even more develop symptoms before then, which may not subside until death.
End-of-life rallies are not fully understood, and no one can predict just how long a rally will last. In rare instances, it can last a week or more, but in most cases it's a very brief window to connect with your loved one. Families who understand this can spend that time chatting and making a final connection.
Hospice has a program that says that no one should have to die alone, and yet this hospice nurse is telling me to take a break? Some patients want to die when no one else is there. Hospice professionals know that companionship while dying is a personal preference.
People who are dying can feel scared that they will be left alone to die, without anyone to listen to them or look after them. It is important to allow them time to talk. Don't change the subject, even if one of you starts crying. Crying is a very normal reaction and can release a lot of feelings and emotions.
"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." "I wish I hadn't worked so hard." "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings." "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."
Physical signs
Facial muscles may relax and the jaw can drop. Skin can become very pale. Breathing can alternate between loud rasping breaths and quiet breathing. Towards the end, dying people will often only breathe periodically, with an intake of breath followed by no breath for several seconds.
The dying person will feel weak and sleep a lot. When death is very near, you might notice some physical changes such as changes in breathing, loss of bladder and bowel control and unconsciousness. It can be emotionally very difficult to watch someone go through these physical changes.
Fear, anxiety and anger are all commonly seen characteristics of patients with terminal illnesses. As your loved one's health declines, you may notice them develop bitterness or anger. This is called terminal agitation. Along with this, terminal delirium and terminal restlessness may also present themselves.
Most people who are dying feel tired. They may want to sleep more often, or for longer periods. They may want to talk less, although some may want to talk more. They may want to eat less or eat different foods since their stomach and digestive system are slowing down.
The reasons why death is scary are often related to the fears of the unknown, of non-existence, of eternal punishment, of the loss of control, and fear of what will happen to the people we love.
Don't be afraid to cry in front of someone who is dying, they already know you're sad. It's a sign of your love, and lets them know you understand what's going to happen. Also, trying to hide your emotions is exhausting, and you will need all that energy to be present in the moment.
You can hold your loved one's hand or offer very gentle massage as long as that seems to be soothing to her. In the last few hours of life it is sometimes better to stop touching the patient so that she can keep her awareness on the dying process rather than on the physical realm she is trying to leave behind.
When your loved one is nearing death, it is important to end each conversation in a way that will be okay if it is the last time you speak. Casual goodbyes like “See you around,” or “I've got to run, so bye for now,” may leave you wishing you had said something different. Your goodbyes don't need to be mushy.
Active dying is the final phase of the dying process. While the pre-active stage lasts for about three weeks, the active stage of dying lasts roughly three days. By definition, actively dying patients are very close to death, and exhibit many signs and symptoms of near-death.
You might be unable to stop crying and worrying. Or you might feel that there is no point in doing anything. You might also find it difficult to see life going on as normal for most people. It can feel very strange to watch people go about their daily lives, do shopping, drive, and work.